Why liberals REALLY hate republicans

A guest post....written by my incredibly Hawwwwt, completely Perverted, Twisted-but-in-a-good-way Friend. I will pop in a few comments along the way, and write a bit of my own at the bottom. Be brave my Flowers, and read on.
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Hawwwwwt PF here.

I thought I needed to chime in with my own two cents here for a bit. Since it seems our little friend Blondage and her little blog has seen a lot of visitors, yet very few comments. For shame lurkers! (Blondage adds....YES! WTF is that about?!?!?!).

(Blondage adds.....have you kids braced yourselves yet? HPF is soooooooo about to stir up some trouble!)

I thought the record needed to be set straight once and for all on the reason the Liberals really hate us. (Us being Republicans.)

No, it's not because of Iraq or Homeland Security or the Patriot Act or Bush W. "stealing" both elections or any of that other horse shit that the typical Liberal will throw out at you.

Nope.

The real reason?

Because we Republicans have better sex!

Yep I said it Libs.

We have better sex than you!

"Oh but wait a minute, let me cut through this stench of patchouli for a minute and refute that" says a typical Lib. (Blondage hates patchouli)

"You all are right wing Christian fundamentalists who only have sex once a year!" he/she/it will say. "How can your sex possibly be better than ours?" (said in that smug little tone that Liberals love to use)

Oh Cointreau Mon Ami (Blondage laughing ass off..."Cointreau"?!??! YUM! *high fives HPF*)! That's what we want you to think! Seems we had you thinking that right into losing the last election did we not? Bam!

Think all you want how all Republicans are suddenly transformed into the religious right. Go ahead. Think it.

In the meantime the majority of us will be having hot, nasty, monkey sex and laughing at you libs the whole way to orgasm city. (Blondage adds, I happily visited that city 4 times last night! *wicked grin*)

Yes, we all know that a lot of Democrats are not the vocal, screaming, whining, crying, frothing at the mouth Liberal type that we all know and love. Many are more like us, more on the moderate side of things. Enough of them showed up in November to NOT vote for that idiot Kerry. We know they are out there. The problem is they have been drowned out by their more vociferous brethren of the farther-left sort. (Blondage laughing harder..."VOCIFEROUS BRETHREN"? What a great name for a blog!) They are the ones who think they have better sex than us because they all think we are religious fundamentalists. Lol.

Let me tell you all something. Sure I was raised Catholic, but I am one of the kinkiest bastards you are ever going to meet (Blondage adds...one of your many fine qualities in my humble opinion). I enjoy hot, nasty, sweaty, kinky, monkey sex. The more the better (Blondage adds....more is definitely better).

I heard a liberal talking about 'red state sex' vs. 'blue state sex' a little while back. I mean how ridiculous is that? She was saying how 'red state sex' must be so boring because we are all so on the religious right. But at the same time she was lamenting the fact that she couldn't find any guys in her 'blue state' to fuck her brains out in the kinky manner she so wanted.

I was like "honey, you cannot believe how many hot, kinky people live in red states. And you can't find anyone like that in your blue state? Isn't that telling you something?" And this girl is a very attractive girl! Must be those Liberals having all that great sex again, huh?

She had no answer by the way.

So the real reason Liberals hate us, is because they know we are some kinky bastards who can just out fuck them. Any day.

A Liberal couples' idea of foreplay is getting into some 3 hour animated discussion of how stupid W is, but at the same time giving him and his cronies credit for being some evil super-genius for having this grand scheme in raping the world, or about any other assorted hot topic that is the whine du jour, and commiserating about how evil us republicans are.

Then, when they actually do get down to business, the whole time the Liberal man is worrying about feelings, not wanting to seem too aggressive, wondering if he is doing everything just so, not making any noise because he may just offend his Liberal girl, because Jesus he may seem sexist or something if he even made so much as a grunt. (Blondage just laughed coffee out of her nose. DAMNIT! Easy HPF! Take it easy!)

And they talk about having better sex than us! You notice that Liberals only date other Liberals? I mean seriously, who the fuck wants to put up with all that bullshit just to get laid?

Now us Kinky Republicans? Well, we aren't so uptight about things. Sure sure there is the 'getting to know you' part and all that, but once you are past that? Look out baby! Because I am going to get to know what gets your motor running, what turns you on. And call you at your office and tell you nasty little things that will get you squirming in your seat all day, thinking about what I am going to do to you. Then when we get together, it's all about the taking, the ramming, the sweating, the grunting, groaning, moaning and screaming, the clenching, the tensing. (Blondage squeaks....)

See, I'm not worried whether the next Supreme Court Justice will be a leftie or a rightie. Not now. All I'm worried about is pumping in and out of you. Hard. Using my whole body to drive into you. Whispering and gasping nasty things into your ear. Sucking, biting, pulling, twisting, slamming, spanking, sweating, making sounds like a wild boar in heat. That's what I'm focused on right now. (Blondage....headrush.......must....not...pass....out.....)

Threesomes and foursomes? Shit. That's not Liberal domain either. Had my share, thank you very much. And I intend to have more. (Blondage says.....I feel another guest post coming on....FOURSOMES? You must enlighten my Flowers on that topic...)

See, we are relaxed because we have great sex.

You ever see a relaxed Liberal?

I didn't think so.

That "supposed great sex" they have must not be all that its cracked up to be. I mean I can't blame them really. If I don't have a body clenching, screaming orgasm periodically, I'd be frothing at the mouth just like they are. (Blondage....have to agree with ya on that part. I get downright wacky on no orgasms. See post from yesterday!)

So, the next time you talk to a Lib and he/she tries to tell you how great their sex life is, but yet when you start to debate it, and in less than ten minutes they end up making scathing references to Hitler, Nazism, Fascism, the SS, Jingoism or the EVIL DICK CHENEY? Just tell them:

Dude, you really need to get laid. Well.

Because I'm telling you right now, give me 2 hours with a liberal chick? I'll have her singing a different tune. A totally different tune.

And THAT is why they hate us. because they know the truth.

I'm the Hawwwwt PF and I'm out...

Now I turn it over to Blondage for further comment...
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Blondage here.....

*clears throat*

Bad man. BAD!!!! I think I need a cold shower now.

You probably already figured this out.....but my very Hawwwwwwwt Perverted Friend is not exactly known for being "politically correct".

Ahem.

I had a Liberal boyfriend in college. I didn't have an orgasm until after we broke up (and now that I think about it, my first orgasm was with a Republican Marine!), so I guess that ex-bf kinda fits in to your hypothesis......and he DID talk my ear off about "important events" in bed....and he definitely never tried to figure out how to push my buttons.

I have to disagree with you a tiny bit though HPF. I refuse to believe Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails lead singer for my Flowers not in the know) isn't a ferociously kinky bastard in bed.

*sassy wink*