Scene from the gym....

(By the way, I am still taking names for my little contest in the previous post!!!!)

.....Earlier tonight.....

I am on the floor, doing an astronomical number of crunches.

The Wee General: Stop making that face, ya pussy.

The Evil Blonde: *glares and flips off TWG with both hands*

The Wee General: *snickers*

Random Gym Dude to TWG: Is she being a pussy again?

The Wee General: *high fives Random Gym Dude*

The Evil Blonde: *wishes great pain on Random Gym Dude, mutters something about not being an effing pussy*

The Wee General: Hub and I had a fight last night.

The Evil Blonde: One of your wrestling/cage fighting practice fights or an argument?

The Wee General: Sort of a play fight.

The Evil Blonde: Ok. Spill it. *crunch*

The Wee General: We were taking a shower together.

The Evil Blonde: *thinking naughty thoughts, still crunching*

The Wee General: We started sorta shooting each other with water and being silly.

The Evil Blonde: *crunch*crunch* And....?

The Wee General: And he peed on me.

The Evil Blonde: *freezes in mid air*

The Wee General: ...but I didn't feel it. He started on my foot, but the water was warm sooo.....

The Evil Blonde: *still frozen*

The Wee General: ....he aimed higher on my thigh. I still didn't feel it....

The Evil Blonde: *slowly lowers self to ground, stares at TWG with eyebrow arched*

The Wee General: ....sooooooo.....he aimed for "The Weapons".

The Evil Blonde: *shrieks* He did WHAT?!?!?!?!?

The Wee General: He peed on my boobs. I noticed that time.

The Evil Blonde: *gasps, laughs, stares*

The Wee General: I didn't tell you to stop.

The Evil Blonde: *moan*giggle*crunch*crunch*moan*crunch*

The Wee General: So...I grabbed his cock and tried to aim it at his chest, and it wound up getting all over his hands. You know what he did? He reached up and patted my face!!!

The Evil Blonde: *speechless*

The Wee General: He's done it before. I wanted to get him back, but I didn't have to go.

The Evil Blonde: Uhmmmmm........

The Wee General: Stop making that face at me.

The Evil Blonde: Are you saying that YOU HAVE PEED ON HIM TOO?!?!?!?

The Wee General: Yep!

The Evil Blonde: WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!???!??! And you think my BDSM STUFF IS WEIRD?!?!??!?!??!?!??!?! You PEE on each other for FUN?!??! And how the hell do you aim at him if you are standing up?!??! Oh god why am I asking this!??!??!

The Wee General: *cackles* I sorta stradle his leg and.......

The Evil Blonde: Ok, just STOP! *laughing uncontrollably*

The Wee General: *giggles* It's not a sexual thing! Sheesh! *smiles a rascally smile* You know what I discovered when I was breastfeeding?

The Evil Blonde: No, but I am scared you are going to tell me.

The Wee General: I could nail hub with breast milk from six feet away!

The Evil Blonde: Oh my gawd. *sticks fingers in ears* La la la! Can't hear you! Can't hear you! STOP TELLING ME STORIES PLEASE!!!!!

The Wee General: I did get even with him last night.

The Evil Blonde: *groans, then realizes TWG has forgotten about the crunches, starts to grin*

The Wee General: After he got in bed, I went and got a giant glass of ice water and dumped it on his head.

The Evil Blonde: Mmmmmmmmkay.....?

The Wee General: He grabbed me, flipped me on to the bed and put me in the wet spot.

The Evil Blonde: Oh eeew. I hate the wet spot.

Random Eavesdropping Gym Guy who is slowly backing away: Listening to you two is starting to scare me.

Sometimes, she scares me too!!!!

Scene from the gym...

Oh man. Haven't laughed this hard since.....well.....since a certain incident involving a moonpie and some wench who got me hooked on "My Space" (see previous post), but I'm not tellin' about that one. *snicker*

I was running late last night, so I arrived at the gym still dressed for work.

Boys: *whistle*

Hairless (remember, he shaves all his body hair with women's shaving cream) John: Whoa!

Blondage: I know. You've never seen me with clothes on before.

Hairless John: *pauses, tries to stifle a grin* Oh baby. Let's go.

He grabs me by the shoulder and pretends to drag me off.

Blondage: *laughs* Gotta go change.

Hairless John: Can I come?

Blondage: *pauses, looks John square in the eyes, arching a brow*

Random male gym rats laugh rather boisterously.

Hairless John: I don't kiss and tell.

Blondage: You most certainly do! I've heard all of your stories!

Hairless John: Oh yeah. Damn.

Blondage: *snickers and scampers off to the locker room*

I change and emerge in my typical gym outfit - yoga pants and a tank top.

Hairless John: *still grinning like a fool*

Blondage: What is THAT look about?

Hairless John: *shakes his head, doesn't say*

Blondage: *thinks to self...interesting*

The Wee General: Stop flirting and get your ass over here Blondage.

Blondage: Yes Ma'am. *salutes her* I see we are in a mood today.

TWG: Yes, I am, and I am taking it out on your body.

Blondage: *mutters some rather colorful four-letter words*

And she proceeds to whip me, beat me, call me Edna......ok, not really......but she did seriously kick my ass.

While on the leg press machine, I start to get sharp cramps in my calves.

Blondage: *Shriek*

TWG: What hurts?

Blondage: *gasps* Calves! CRAMP!

TWG: *grabs my ankle and pushes it towards my head* This should stretch out your ass too.

Blondage: *bursts in to laughter* Stretch out my ASS?!?!?!?

Hairless John: (from three machines over) Can I help with that?

Blondage: *blushes and laughs harder* RASCAL!

TWG: *massages and pinches my calve* Is this one better?

Blondage: *nods and closes eyes*

TWG: *places my leg back on the machine*

Blondage: *eyes still closed*

I feel my other leg being lifted off the machine, pushed towards my head and stretched, and then massaged.

Blondage: *moans happily*

But something feels different. Stronger. Larger...???

Blondage: *opens one eye, SHRIEKS* JOHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Various gym rats and TWG all laugh. Hard.

Hairless John: *wiggles his eyebrows at me* I know. I'm smooth.

Blondage: *looks at John, looks at TWG* You two are making me crazy.

TWG: We're wearing her down John. *high fives him*


Crikey Flowers.

It's a frikkin conspiracy.

Yarrrrrrrrgh!!!

I walk in to the gym tonight, and The Wee General is no where to be found.

Soooo........I hop up on the elliptical machine to warm up and get some cardio in....

....and I am moving pretty fast, totally focused on my form.....

....and the wench somehow manages to sneak up behind me, grab me by the waist and shout BOO!

I shriek and go flying off the elliptical machine, stumble in to the poor frightened man who was on the treadmill next to me, HE goes flying in to the chick next to him.

I swear, it was like frikkin DOMINOS!

Wee General starts cracking up, and like she did the other day, falls on the damn floor laughing.

Yargh.

Nosey-John-who-shaves-all-his-body-hair-except-his-head-and-his-eyebrows wanders over, sees her rolling around on the floor again, and practically salivates when he asks what torturous thing she did to me THIS time.

I see a pattern forming.

I am now 100% convinced.

The girl is trying to drive me INSANE.

Seriously. In-fucking-sane.

Scaring the bejesus out of me at every opportunity, kicking my ass harder and harder each week at the gym, telling me sex stories, kissing me, .....WTF? Seriously. WTF? I am so confused!!!! Don't get me wrong, I am totally laughing my ass off about all of this. It is definitely entertaining. But WTF is going on?!?!?!?!?!?

I need a drink. The girl is driving me to the bottle.

And on that happy note, I am heading off to "test drive" the hawt little outfit I bought for this week's Half Nekkid Thursday post. I need sex. BAD.

Update on that little kiss thing...

Sooooo........

Friday night, I had a training appointment at 6pm with The Wee General at the gym.

Sooooo.......

I walk in to the gym, zap my card on the scanner thinga-ma-bob, and walk towards the little cubby things you stash your keys and your card in.

I throw my stuff in, and BOING! Up pops The Wee General from behind the cubby things, yells "BOO!" and SCARES THE FRIKKIN DAYLIGHTS OUT OF ME!!!!

I screamed. LOUD!

The whole gym turns to look.

She laughs so hard at me that she literally falls on the ground laughing.

So of course nosey John, the guy who likes to shave all his body hair with women's shaving cream, wanders over to see what happened.

TWG is still on the ground. Literally on the ground.

John: WTF is going on?!?!?!?

Blondage: *blushing*

TWG: *laughing her ass off*

Blondage: She's terrorizing me again. She gets off on terrorizing me ya know.

John: Pussies are an easy target.

(For you newbies, those two think it is funny to call me a pussy when she works me out. I think it is too, but don't tell 'em I admitted that!)

Blondage: *growl*

TWG: *holding her sides, laughing hysterically*

Blondage: I can't wait until I'm strong enough to kick both of your asses. *glare*

John: *laughs and flexes his biceps*

(Did I mention John is about 6'3" and I am 5'6"?)

Blondage: *looks down on the floor at TWG* I swear she is stalking me.

TWG: *laughs even harder, tears rolling down her cheeks*

John: *eyes widen* Stalking you....?

Blondage: She wants to tie me up and beat me with a weightlifting belt.

TWG: *nods and laughs*

(Oh, by the way Flowers, I forgot to mention during our drunken debauchery the other night, I confessed my BDSM "lifestyle" to TWG. I should never drink. Seriously. Never. Bad bad bad.)

John: *blinks* Uuuuhhhhmmmm. Interesting.

Blondage: You have no idea.

Scene from the gym...

My dear friend that the previous post is about told me today to start posting again. So, being the submissive that I am...

*grin*

I do tend to follow directions....

So.

Scene:
The Gym, last week, on Bicep/Tricep day

Players:
Blondage
The Wee General, aka my trainer
John, a frequent work out partner

Blondage: Ugh. *groan*

Wee General: Pussy.

Blondage: I'm beginning to think you get off on calling me that.

Wee General: *laughs*

John: I never hear her call any of her other clients pussies.

Blondage: *glares at W.G.* Hmmmmm.

Wee General: *laughs again*

Blondage: Damn John. You sure did get tan over night.

John: Went to the tanning bed last night. Shaved first. Wanna feel?

Blondage: You shave before you tan...?

John: I shave every other day. Feel how soft my legs are.

Blondage: Eeeew. No! You're sweaty!

John: I'm so silky I can't stop touching myself.

Wee General: Too much information!

John: Wanna know my secret?

Blondage: I am breathless with anticipation.

John: I use women's shaving cream.

Wee General: *blinks*

Blondage: Uhm.......

John: I used my ex's once and loved the way it felt. They put baby oil in it you know.

Blondage:*thinks to self....Must. Not. Look. At. Wee. General.*

Wee General: Hmmmm.

John: I tried waxing, but it hurts you know.

Blondage: *looking at floor, looking at ceiling, anywhere but John and W.G.*

Wee General: Uhm....yes it does.

John: Have you ever tried that sugar stuff? I hate that sugar stuff.

Blondage: *barks out a laugh, pretends she is choking and coughing*

Wee General: *slaps Blondage REALLY FRIKKIN HARD on the back*

Blondage: *shrieks*

John and Wee General in unison: Pussy.

Scene from the gym...

Scene: The Gym

The Players: Blondage and her evil trainer, aka The Wee General

Blondage: *whimper*

Wee General: Oh stop being such a pussy.

Blondage: *GLARE*

Wee General: *laughs* That's better. Get angry.

Blondage: This isn't anger. It's pain and fear.

Wee General: *laughs again*

Blondage: Cute outfit today.

Wee General: *strikes a pose* I bought it this morning. *rolls her eyes*

Blondage: What's the eye roll for?

Wee General: Hub insisted on going shopping with me again.

Blondage: Rut roh. First time since the boob job?

Wee General: *groans* Yes. He went in to the "young miss/jailbait" department and made me try on all these school girl outfits.

Blondage: *cracks up* I know lots of people with school girl fetishes.

Wee General: When I refused to buy them, you know what he did???

Blondage: *laughs harder* Oh boy. What?

Wee General: He whipped out his phone and took pictures of me in them!!!!

Blondage: Sometimes I swear we are married to the same man.

Wee General: *gasps* But your Other Half is so SWEET! He is always grinning at me.

Blondage: *thinks to self, it's because he is mesmerized by your new boobies*

Wee General: What?!?!? What are you thinking?

Blondage: That you don't know Other Half as well as you think you do. *pictures Other Half wielding a crop and a flogger and starts giggling harder*

Wee General: WHAT!?!?!? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!??!?!?!

Blondage: *laughs REALLY hard and shakes head*

Random guy standing next to us: HEY! I Wanna know what you were thinking about TOO!

Blondage: *stifles a grin, shakes head, pretends she is suddenly struck deaf*

Wee General: I am soooooo getting even with you on abs tonight.

Blondage: *gasps and whimpers*

Wee General: *smiles triumphantly*

.......and now......a mere two hours later.....Blondage's abs are already so sore that she can barely breathe!!!!!!!

I swear, she may look sweet and lovely, but the Wee General is effing EVIL! EVIL I say!!!!!!

No sex for me tonight. Grrrrrrrrrrrr!

*mutters lots of curse words under her breath and heads off to soak in the jacuzzi tub*

Scene from the gym

In case you are a newbie, "The Wee General" is my physical trainer, next door neighbor and friend, who regularly kicks my ass at the gym...


The Wee General: Don't "The Weapons of Mass Destruction" look great in this tank top?

(and yes, I swear to God Flowers, that's what she calls them!)

Blondage: They look like you could poke someone's eye out with those things.

The Wee General: I got my stitches out today. Wanna see?

Blondage: You've already flashed me three times. That wasn't enough?

The Wee General: *laughs and drags Blondage in to the locker room*

Blondage: Is this really necessary?

The Wee General: I learned how to massage "The Weapons" today.

Blondage: Huh?

The Wee General: I have to squish and massage them to make them point where I want them to point and make them softer.

Blondage: *watches TWG molest herself through her clothes with one eye closed*

The Wee General: Prude.

Blondage: *laughs REALLY hard* Girl, you don't know what you're talking about.

The Wee General: *arches an eyebrow and grins* Ready?

Blondage: No, but ok.

The Wee General: *lifts up her tank and sports bra*

Blondage: Crikey. They point straight up. Is that normal?

The Wee General: That's why I have to massage them. *massage*massage* Wanna touch them?

Blondage: NO! Twice was enough thank you! *laughs* They're the biggest ones I've ever seen that weren't bouncing around to really bad chunka-chunka-bauw-mauw music.

The Wee General: *laughs* Bitch! *laughs again* Aren't they fabulous? *pose*pose*massage*massage*

And OF COURSE.....as if ON CUE......some poor woman chooses this EXACT MOMENT to enter the locker room, sees me watching TWG molest herself, gasps, and slowly backs out the door...

The Stripping Grunter

Scene: Two lone blonde females, working out biceps and triceps, surrounded by a dozen or so REALLY hot men.

Blondage: *concentrating on skull crushers*

The Little General: *spotting Blondage*

And both hear: uuuuuuhhhhhhh.........oooooooohhhhhh.........
uhhhhhhhh........oooooooohhhhhh.....

Blondage: *blinks, looks up at TLG*

The Little General: *trying not to laugh, motion's head towards the gym's resident La Bare dancer/stripper*

And he continues to make noises normally associated with a closed bedroom door: .......uuuuuuuhhhhhhhh.......ohhhhhhhhhh.........
uhhhhhhhh.....ohhhhhhhhh.....uhhhhhhhhh

Blondage: *whispers* Don't you DARE start laughing!

The Little General: Oh God. *moans* He's doing that hard-core active-rest multi-rep routine again.

Blondage: *groans* You're eyes are twinkling! Stop!

And he adds new sounds:
......mmmmmmmmmmm......uhhhhmmmmmm......oooooohhhhmmm...
mmmmmmmmmmmm

Blondage: *glares at TLG*

The Little General: *closes her eyes and whispers* I can't look at you! I can't look at you!

And he is still moaning:
....ohhhhhhh......uuuuuuuhhhhhh......mmmmmmmmmm.......uhhhhhh....
ooooohhhmmmmmmm

Blondage: *deadpan* Ya know, I could die if this barbell hits me in the head.

And he is getting louder........and louder.......and louder............

The Little General: *bends down and whispers* I bet he's good in bed.

Blondage: *notices TLG looks a little flushed*

And he is moaning.....and groaning........and grunting......and suddenly he stops.

Blondage turns to The Grunting Stripper: Was it as good for you as it was for her? *points to TLG*

....and Blondage got high fives and admiration from every hot man in the gym.

Today was a gooooood day.

Girl Talk

Scene: Two lone blonde females, working out shoulders on free weights, surrounded by a dozen men. Involved in conversation, oblivious to those around them.

Blondage -- It's weird being friends with your gynecologist.

The Trainer, aka The Little General -- You're friends with yours? I don't think I could socialize with mine!

Blondage -- It's really weird when he calls. He just says "Hey girl! This is G!". He believes we've moved beyond me calling him "Dr. Gia******", and just wants me to call him by his frikkin one-letter nickname. Random.

The Little General -- How'd you become friends?

Blondage -- I did him a favor, and we became pals. Today he returned the favor with a year's supply of birth control pill samples. An entire year's worth!!! I couldn't stop laughing. I've had people buy me dinner, send me flowers......but this guy gave me a year's worth of B.C.!

The Little General -- *laughs, pauses, refects......* My husband (the Cage-Fighting-Trainer-Body-Builder-Marquis-de-Sade) won't let me go see a man.

Blondage -- Uhm.....huh?

The Little General -- He doesn't want another man seeing me with my legs spread.

Blondage -- *laughs, rolls eyes*

The Little General -- I go see a woman that I like. *starts giggling and blushing*

Blondage -- What!!! Why are you laughing?

The Little General -- Because she's a Lesbian!!!!

Random guy standing behind us -- THAT'S HAWWWWWWWT!!!!

And we turn around......and the dozen men who were supposed to be working out, were just sitting around, SALIVATING, listening attentively to our conversation....

Damn headlights

How come every, single, frikkin time I go to the gym.....

I'll be working out.....

And mind you, it is WARM in the gym.....

I notice certain men, the same ones every frikkin time....

Staring at my chest......

So I look down.......

And my frikkin nipples are hard.

Damnit.