*whimper*squirm*pant*

You'd better be "in the mood" Freak. I am ripping your clothes off the second I get home from work.

Soooo.....take a nap or something.

*pant*

Nailed TWICE!

Lovely Lisa of Lemons and Lollipops and Perv-in-training Poosh BOTH tagged me with different memes. So guess what? I am tagging both of your asses back with each other's memes!

*evil laugh*

The Freak I am married to was tagged on one of them too. I'm going to paste his answers and add my comments in parenthesis.

5 Things in my fridge:

a) Bottle of Crown in the freezer (EB says: Plus some Bailey's, Blackcurrent Liquor and Champagne in the fridge!)
b) Coke (EB says: Diet Vanilla Pepsi and berry flavored Fresca on my side)
c) Milk (EB says: Nobody loves milk more than my Freak)
d) A ton of frozen dinners (EB says: Hey. We both work hellacious hours. Who has time to cook?)
e) 5 jars of jelly and only two of them are different flavors (EB says: Don't forget the six different kinds of peanut butter. Heh.)

5 Things in my closet:

a) Multiple vibrators!! WTF shit EB! *shrugs* Guess you can never have enough. (EB says: A girl can NEVER have too many vibrators. Variety is the spice of life and all that.)
b) Thousands of nighties !!! Yeah I have no closet living with EB. (EB says: Absolutely positively 100% true.)
c) Tons and tons of PORN but I need more! *winks at EB* (EB says: Go ahead, twist my arm. *evil giggle*)
d) 12 gauge shotgun (EB says: My sophisticated Yankee hath become Bubbafied. He even joined the frikkin NRA. *shakes head and giggles*)
e) About 300 pairs of socks. I can never seem to find a pair when I need one and I buy a whole new package every time I go outta town. (EB says: It is one of life's greatest mysteries. There must be a parallel universe with a pile up Freak's socks that reaches the frikkin ceiling.)

5 Things in my car:

a) Mr. Donald. He's my 5 year old McDonald's french fry who has been living under my car seat forever. (EB says: I'm happy to hear you have company on your long drive to and from work. I think. Or maybe I am disturbed. I haven't decided.)
b) Various mixed CD's I burned (EB says: Nobody burns 'em better Sweetpea.)
c) Ray Bans (EB says: And damn does he ever look sexy in them!)
d) My winter work jacket (EB says: Eeeeeew! I bet it is stinky!)
e) Last months phone bill. Oooooops! Thought I mailed that!LOL! (EB says: La la la la! Can't hear you! Don't wanna know! La la la la la!!!)

Freak's meme didn't include this one, so this is all me:

5 Things on my Tivo:

"Family Business" - This is a reality TV show that plays on Showtime. It is about Seymore Butts (porn director/porn star) and his family. It's a riot. Cousin Stevie just kills me.

My Ghostie shows - "Most Haunted", "Ghost Hunters", "High Spirits with Shirley Ghostman". My favorite of these is "Ghost Hunters", which is sort of the American version of the British show "Most Haunted". I have a mad crush on Jason and his bald head. **purrrrr** Suze recently turned me on to "High Spirits with Shirley Ghostman". It is a British show that MAKES FUN of ghost hunting shows. It is frikkin hysterical, ESPECIALLY if you have ever seen one of the other two shows. "Do you understand? Do you understand???" **cackle**

"Grey's Anatomy" - Ohhhh how I love this show. It looks like Izzy is gonna nail the heart patient this week. Woo hoo!!!!!

"House" - I want to nail Dr. House in the worst way. I want him to spank me with his cane. Sexy beast.

"Survivor" - I am not as fanatical about this one as I used to be, but I still get pretty in to it. Same with "American Idol". I watch because I am in love with Chris Daughtry, but I am not in to like I used to be.

That's more than five, so I'll stop. LOL!

I am tagging POOSHIE on that one!!!!

And here is the one Pooshie nailed me on. You should go read his answers. LOL!

Here are the RULEZ:

1. Go write six weird facts/things/etc. about yourself on your blog, then tag more people!

2. Leave a comment that says 'You are tagged' in their comments telling them to read your blog.

Here we go, strap yourself in, check your pulse-rifle and prepare for some chop, we're in the pipe, five by five. (EB says - I don't know what that means, but ok, here we go.)

1: I was in a brief relationship with a "switch" (a person who switches roles from Dom to sub) named Randy. He was nice enough, but I just cannot be a consistently dominant person and it got old. He always wanted to "worship" me and it drove me up a frikkin tree. The last time we were together I Dommed him and made him cry. Seriously. He cried like a baby. It was weird. I broke it off with him fast. That was just not my thing.

2: I think I've mentioned this before - I didn't have an orgasm with male participation until I was 27.

3: I have a George Bush Barbie (or should I say Ken?) doll. He is wearing camo. I like to make him fight with my cat. The cat is terrified of Dubya, just like those pansy-assed terrrrrists are. Yes, I am a member of the 38% club. Not sure which counts as the weirdest fact in number four. Heh.

4: I have lots of weird stuff in my office on a shelf attached to my computer monitor - a white fluffy bunny puppet from a musical called "Urinetown", a statue of a laughing Buddha wearing cowboy boots, a can of Spam from "Spamalot" (The Monty Python musical), a Beatles "Sgt Pepper" lunch box, a bobble head of "Donkey" from the "Shreck" movie, a tiny FDNY Fire truck, postcards that say "One by one the penguins steal my sanity" and "I can kick your butt without even smearing my eyeliner", a mini-disco-ball...I could go on and on...

5: I'm around "rock stars" all the time and they are even bigger idiots than you think they are. Bleh. Stupid heads.

6. Freak works about 60 hours a week and I work about 80 during this time of year. Uuuuugh! Sometimes I think I should have been a kindergarten teacher. I almost was one, ya know. *grin* I also could have been a professional musician. I had scholarship offers from schools all over the country, including Julliard, and I blew them off to party my ass off and join a sorority. STUPID GIRL!!!

Ok, that is PLENTY. LOL!

And I am tagging Lisa's ass back with that one! I feel sooooo evilicious. *grin*

Only 78%???

Surely this is too low. *grin*

Pretty kinky! Grats! You're 78% kinky!

You kinkscore is pretty high. Most likely you're up for trying anything at least once, which show open-mindedness. You're probably a great lay, so just keep doing that thing you do!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 72% on kinkpoints

Link: The Kinkyness Test written by nilnisicruce on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

My favorite new nightie...it is very girlie-girl. *grin*

*purrrrrrrrrrrrr*

I am filled with lustful thoughts today.

Thoughts of you sliding inside my body...pushing deep inside me...

Feeling your bare chest against mine...

Gripping your ass....encouraging you to go faster...wrapping my legs around your amazing body...

...until I feel you pulse inside me...my body tensing, clenching down you, holding you tight....

It can be cold here on the floor...

I read this incredible post by the lovely lady who writes "Taking Control" (listed in my naughty links in my side bar) that I want to share with you.

Two sentences in particular struck a chord with me.

"I've fallen from your mantle", and "I like my place on the floor". Very moving.

Click here to check her out.

She writes wonderfully descriptive erotica as well.

It's always something....

MUSCLES just invaded my office space. He hung out and chatted for quite some time, and I managed to not say a single idiotic thing. I didn't trip. I didn't fall. I managed to sound reasonably intelligent. I even made the man laugh.

We discussed working out for a long time. He went up 50 pounds on his curls this week and swears it was because of a voo doo priestess. She chants and runs her fingers on him and he gets stronger. Mmmmmmmkay. I wasn't about to ask him if perhaps she just wanted to touch his arms like the rest of us. Ahem. I asked him to introduce me to her. I would love to improve my upper body strength. Plus, if he takes me back there to meet her, I can stare at him some more. *cough*

I was feeling good. I was feeling confident.

And then I looked in the mirror.

Earlier in the day someone made me laugh until I literally cried. Well.....I forgot to touch up my eye make up, and it was just all OVER the damn place. Not quite as bad as the Sweet Transvestite in Rocky Horror, but close enough.

*sigh*

It's almost cosmic.

The Great Green Kitty Incident of 2006

I knew better.

I read this post over at LL's.

I even said in her comments that you should only have your kitty waxed by a professional.

Yet what did I attempt, not one week later???

I can be so frikkin blonde.....*sigh*

I saw a home waxing kit on sale. It came with benzocaine, which is supposed to deaden you up a bit.....and I gave in to the evil siren call of the sale price and bought it.

The Freak headed out for a night on the town with the boys. I thought, perfect! I would try this while he was out so he wouldn't hear me whining like a little girl if it hurt too bad.

I decided to soak in a bubble bath and drink a glass of wine while I read the directions.

That was lovely. Everything was fine.

But then.....

(cue evil sounding soap opera music)

I followed the first step, which was to spray this stuff all over the "area" I was planning to wax. In the directions it said I should experience a "tingling" sensation.

HA!

WRONG!

That stuff BURNED! My poor little kitty was on frikkin FIRE!!!! It was RED!!! Red and very very angry!

I grabbed a washcloth and got all the excess spray stuff off of me.

At this point I was not exactly happy, but I was still determined to go through with this...

After the spray dries, you cut these strips into the shape you need. Then you hold the strip between your palms to melt the wax. After 5 or so seconds, you peel the strips apart and then you have two usable wax strips.

So I did that.

And I placed the waxy strips where I wanted them.

And I think this is where I seriously fucked up.

I did not immediately rip them off. I thought perhaps they should stay adhered to me for a few seconds to melt or whatever.

WRONG!

I tried to rip the strips off. I ripped, I squeaked, I yelped, and they did in fact take hair with them.

However.

I had allowed them to stay on my body for too long, and the green wax was stuck all over, and I do mean all over, my skin.

My kitty was burning from that spray stuff, stinging from having parts of it's hair ripped out, and it was covered in frikkin GREEN WAX. My kitty was sticky and GREEN.


I was eventually able to get that stuff off of me by soaking in a hot tub for a long time and then rubbing baby oil all over my poor abused little kitty.

I will definitely be sticking to professionals from now on. Crikey.

So, my dear LL, you can no longer call me the Poofy Princess Kitty.


I am changing my nickname to Patch.

Woo hoo!

The Freak and I get to see this band, Evans Blue....

http://www.videocode.org/index.php?song=37719

.....with Blue October and Hurt in June, all recently featured here on my pervy little blog.

Holy merde! Soooooo psyched.....

I am already cringing...

Saturday and Sunday I will be on alert.

Red alert.

MUSCLES alert.

Which of course means there should be plenty of opportunities for extreme humiliation.

I'll keep you in the loop, if I can bare it.

A nooner, but not exactly...

Hub had jury duty this morning. He wasn't needed. Kind of a waste of a day for him because he could have been off at work making over time rates. Oh well. It worked out nicely for me because he picked me up for lunch.

Yes, we actually ate food you pervs. *grin*

It was so nice seeing him during the day for a change. I couldn't stop staring at his eyes. They are such a pretty shade of green today. His eyes are like mine, they change colors all the time. Today they are sort of hunter green.....quite dreamy.......

I have been a total ball of MUSH this week, haven't I? All these sentimental/girlie posts!!! LOL!

I'm almost well, so the naughtier version of me should be back soon. *giggling*

This song makes me melt.

(Scroll down to the next post if you are one of my pervs just looking for Half Nekkid Thursday pics. LOL!)

From "18th Floor Balcony", by Blue October....

I raised my hands as if to show you that I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
I'm so yours for the taking
And that's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say, and then you kissed me....

I knew it from the start
My arms are opened wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're, we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are on this 18th floor balcony
We're both flying away...

And I try to sleep,
To keep you in my dreams,
'Til I can bring you home with me.
I try to sleep, and when I do I'll keep you in my dreams

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

I have a fever. *pitiful sigh* Anyone care to volunteer to be my naughty nurse?

What can I say? I'm orally fixated. Ahem.

A sentimental post...

I talk about my sex life a lot, but I don't talk about the "rest" of our relationship very much.

Have I ever told the story of how The Freak and I met?

We met via a bondage chat room. Romantic, eh?

*evil giggle*

We used to talk in this chat room thingy a lot. One day, he called me out of the blue, confessed he had a crush on me, and that he wanted to meet me. I still can't believe he did this because he can be kinda shy around people he doesn't know very well.

Anyways.

Once he got out of the navy, he flew to my state to meet me.

I have such vivid memories of the airport. I was standing at the gate, leaning on a column, waiting for him. Finally they opened the gates, and there he was. Our eyes met and my world turned upside down.

He was sorta shy at first. We were walking through the airport and I could tell he was nervous. He was partly staring at the floor, and partly looking at me out of the corner of his eye. I finally stopped him and said something like "Are you going to look at me or not?" and he laid a big ole smooch on me in the middle of the airport. *grin* We barely made it to the car.

We made out in the parking garage for a looooong time. I remember him kissing the inside of my wrist and working his way up my arm....it was so erotic I nearly passed out. The chemistry between us has always been intense.

He stayed with me for five days. We didn't leave the bedroom much. *grin* I had just started a new job, so I had to go in to the office the day after he arrived. I remember my new boss' eyes becoming quite wide as she exclaimed "OMG! Your LIPS ARE SO SWOLLEN!!!!".

Heh. Indeed they were!

While he was here, we made plans for him to go home, grab his stuff, and move in with me. He was here for good within two weeks.

That was eight years ago. I still can't believe how time has flown......

Last night we were snuggling and watching some home improvement shows and it was so comforting and sweet. My mind started drifting back through time, reliving some wonderful moments from our past. I love our sex life, but it's the "other" kind of intimacy that really makes my heart melt.

But do they eat pudding?

I'm sick.

I got sent home from work like a naughty little school girl.

Lame.

So what do I do when I'm sick and can't sleep?

I watch movies.

Well, ok, if I had the energy I'd probably masturbate to porn.....but I'm zonked, so I am watching "regular" movies.

Anyways.

I decided to go buy a couple new DVDs on my way home from the doctor because I have been banned from the office until Wednesday.

Again, I say LAME. I hate staying home. *pout*

One of the movies I bought today was "Brokeback Mountain". Why did I buy it? Several reasons.

Number 1. The Freak wouldn't see it in the theater with me.
Number 2. Because I suck at rental late fees.
Number 3. Because I keep hearing how good it is.
Number 4. Because I just wanted it.

So I dope up on my codeine cough syrup (yeeeeeehaw), snuggle in to the covers, and text the freak.

"Juuuuuuuuuuuuice!!!!!! *pitiful sigh*"

I wait....perhaps two or three minutes......and I text The Freak again.

"JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUICE!!!!!!!!!!!! *cough*".

And like magic, POOF! There he is, juice in hand, shaking his head at me like I've lost my mind.

I heart him.

He realizes I am about to watch my gay cowboy movie and scurries off muttering something about clinching his ass.

I sip my juice. Ouch. Kinda burns. I feel woozy. Mmmmmmm.........cough syrrrrrrrrrrup.

I click play.

And there they are......Heath and Jake......pretending to have accents.....and riding and roping and.....wow. That's a lot of damn sheep.

I text The Freak.

Me: "Not liking this movie. Bored."

Him: "You don't like Brokenbutt Mountain???"

Me: "LOL. No I don't. The accents are driving me nuts, and I keep giggling because I keep thinking about movies featuring gay cowboys eating pudding."

(For those unenlightened, that is a "South Park" reference.)

Him: "LOLOLOL"

Me: "EEEEEEW! They aren't eating pudding now!!!"

Him: "Huh?"

Me: "Sex scene!!!"

Him: "COME ON! I'm eating!!!!"

I giggle myself in to a coughing fit, decide I need company, and crawl downstairs wearing my satin pjays with the little suns and moons all over them and my buzzy funny.....errr.....I mean fuzzy bunny slippers on.

The front door is open.

The Freak is sitting in the doorway with the dog, talking to The Wee General's four year old daughter, R.

R. sees me with my wild hair and wacky outfit on, and looks frightened. I giggle and tell her I'm sick. The Freak tells her I have germs. She looks at me, very serious look on her face, and vows to pray diligently for my health.

A four year old just vowed to pray diligently for my health.

How much of that cough syrup did I drink?

*hiccup*

A Quick Position of the week....

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Adventures with the neighbors....Part 1....

Early Thursday afternoon.....my office phone rings.

The Evil Blonde: Hi this is (name deleted)....

The Wee General: S'up girl?

The Evil Blonde: Workin'.

The Wee General: We want to go get our puppy tonight. Can you watch the kids?

The Evil Blonde: Sure.

We chit chat.....hang up.....

Several hours later, my phone rings again....

The Evil Blonde: Hi this is (name deleted)....

The Wee General: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!

The Evil Blonde: Huh?!!??!?! Wee General? Is that you?!?!?!

The Wee General: I'M LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Evil Blonde: Late? Late for what?

The Wee General: LATE! As in.....LATE!!!!!

The Evil Blonde: *shouts multiple naughty words*

The Wee General: Is The Freak home? I need someone to watch the kids while I go get a "test".

The Evil Blonde: No, but I can go get you one on my way home from work.

The Wee General: How can this happen? He's had a vasectomy!

The Evil Blonde: *pauses, thinks* Well, with all that working out he does, maybe he has robo-sperm.

The Wee General: ROBO!??!?!

The Evil Blonde: *pauses, thinks* Or perhaps all those supplements he takes has made his little swimmers bionic. Hmmmm...... Bionic sperm. Kinky.

The Wee General: Maybe it's a good thing you can't be serious.

To be continued....

Oh my.

Click on the pic to see what your nick or your name really means. *grin*

Mmmmmmm.......

I've had the luuuuuuuuuuuuuuvliest day off from work today.

I slept late.

I cooked a "real" breakfast.

I snuggled with my cats and watched a movie.

I had three yummy orgasms.

I took a nap.

I watched all of my Tivo'd shows.

It is 6:30pm, and this is the first time I have turned the computer on all day.

Ahhhhhhhh........I needed to vegetate. *happy sigh*

I have a wacky story to tell about me, The Wee General and our husbands from last night. It is still sorta jumbled in my head. Here's a bit of a teaser.

It involves:

a three hour trip to buy a puppy

the TV show "24"

a pregnancy scare

wrestling/jujitzu/cage fighting

and the US Postal Service.

If I can get it out of my head, I'll post it tomorrow. Crikey. What a night. I desperately needed my little day of peace today. Ooomph.

I love this song by the Squirrel Nut Zippers.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

I suppose I am more "naked" than "nekkid" in these. *giggle*
The Freak I'm married to participated this week.
*verrrrrry wicked grin*

I love his hands. They're gentle when I need them to be gentle. They're strong, firm and rough when I need them to be strong, firm and rough.

*TWEAK*

Mmmmmmm.

*purrrrrrrrrrrr*

Happy Birthday L.L.!!!!!

My comments on the lyrics are in the parenthesis.......Ahem.

"In Da Club" by 50 Cent....

Go, go, go, go
Go, go, go shawwwwty (Ok smartass, I know you aren't short)
It's your birthday (Happy Birfffffffffday LL!)
We gon' party like it's yo birthday (And it IS!!!!)
We gon' sip Bacardi like it's yo birthday (I prefer margaritas, but I can make do)
'Cause you know we don't give a fuck (Now that is true!)
It's not your birthday! (Only it is, but I like this song anyways)

You can find me in the club, bottle full of Bud (Make that corona please)
Mama, I got that X, if you into takin' drugs (I'm not in college any more, so I'd better pass.)
I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love (Well.....both can be fun as long as you cum! Hey, that sorta rhymes. Does that make ME a rapper?)
So come give me a hug if you into getting rubbed (*giggling* This song is NAUGHTY!)

When I pull out up front, you see the Benz on dubs (No, it's a kick ass gas guzzling republican SUV)
When I roll 20 deep, it's 20 knives in the club (Knife play? Homey don't play 'dat! Oh gawd. I think I need some classical music STAT!)
Niggas heard I fuck with Dre, now they wanna show me love (Oh geez. Apologies for the N word.)
When you sell like Eminem, and the hoes they wanna fuck (Eminem! Woooooo! Oh look! He's in the video!!!!)

But homie ain't nothing change ho's down, G's up (Ho down?!?! Is that like Black Hawk Down??? Should we call 911???)
I see Xzibit in the Cutt that nigga roll that weed up (Huh? WTF is he talking about? Oh. Weed. I miss weed.)
If you watch how I move you'll mistake me for a playa or pimp (PIMP! Suddenly reminded of Jpck and The Grotto)
Been hit wit a few shells but I dont walk wit a limp (Hasn't Fitty Cent been shot like 800 times?)

In the hood, in L.A. they saying "50 you hot" (Well, he does have nice abs, but those TEETH!)
They like me, I want them to love me like they love 'Pac (2Pac? Bleh.)
But holla in New York them niggas'll tell ya im loco (Apologies again for N word usage)
And the plan is to put the rap game in a choke hold (Choke hold? Homey don't play 'dat either!)

I'm feelin' focused man, my money on my mind (Money.....I need to go shopping today. Momma needs a new pair of shoes.)
I got a mill out the deal and I'm still on the grind ("On the grind"? Huh?)
Now shawty said she feeling my style, she feeling my flow (Shawty. heheheheheee)
Her girlfriend wanna get bi and they ready to go (Threesome?!?!? *perk*)

Ok, I think I should stop now. LOL!!!

Click me

Happy Birfffffffday LL! I heart you!

Now cmere and let me spank ya!!!!

Scene from my driveway....

The Freak and I pull in to the driveway and in to the garage. We get out of our Gas Guzzling Kick Ass Republican S.U.V., and we hear SCREECHING.

It is, of course, a very excited Wee General.

The Wee General: *yelling* We're BACK! We're BACK from CAMPING! Did you MISSSSSSSS MEEEEEEEEE?!?!?!?!??!!?!??!?!?!?

The Freak: *laughs, smiles, stares at The Weapons of Mass Destruction, aka, the boobs*

The Evil Blonde: Well, how was it?

The Wee General: It was AWFUL! We can't wait to go back though.

The Evil Blonde: Uhhhh........????

The Wee General: Well, it was cold, we couldn't get a fire started because there was a no burn ordinance, so we didn't eat anything but smores made with a lighter.

The Evil Blonde: Uhhhhhh...........

The Freak: *still staring at The Weapons*

The Wee General: Well....I mean....when it's warmer and we can cook food we'll go back.

The Evil Blonde: All you ate is smores? Seriously??? You and Mr. Fitness and the kids JUST ATE SMORES for two days???

The Wee General: Well......I did make R. (her four year old daughter) eat a hotdog. It was cold and uncooked and she was whining her ass off.

The Freak: *continues to stare at The Weapons, drooling*

The Evil Blonde: And...?

The Wee General: Oh you should have heard me. I was yelling at her "YOU'D BETTER EAT THAT WEENIE!!!!! EAT IT!!!!! EAT THAT WEENIE!!!!!!!!!!!".

...which she yelled at the top of her lungs in my driveway........and I looked across the street in time to catch the neighbors' heads pop up and over at us so fast I was reminded of meercats looking for birds of prey in the sky.......

Can you feel me blushing? Can you?????????

We drive to my boss' house for this staff party thing for all the supervisors/managers/etc...

We get out of the car, and there's Muscles, also getting out of his car. Herrrrrre we go.

I hear my boss' voice BOOMING from his driveway, "Damn J (J = Muscles), you're so swollen you look like you got stung by a damn BEE!". I would bet ya money he came straight from the gym. He had that "pump" thing happening. Oh my. I knew I was in for massive flustering.

And what did I do? Exactly what I swore I wouldn't. Went straight for an alcoholic beverage. Corona with lime. Yum.

So Muscles and I proceed revert back to high school and try to ignore each other.

I almost catch him staring at me. He almost catches me staring at him. It's almost like a juvenile little dance.

Every so often, I look at The Freak I'm married to and he is laughing and rolling his eyes at me.

The Freak: Dork. Stop staring.

The Evil Blonde: I'm not staring. I was listening to the group conversation.

The Freak: No, you're staring.

The Evil Blonde: Am not.

The Freak: Are too.

The Evil Blonde: *pouts and tries to study the landscaping*

Time passes.....

The Freak: You just got caught.

The Evil Blonde: WHAT!?!?!

The Freak: I saw it. He caught you staring!

The Evil Blonde: Uh uh...no he didn't!!!!!

The Freak: Yes he did I saw it!!!

The Evil Blonde: NO!!!! You are NOT serious are you?

The Freak: No, I'm not.

The Evil Blonde: *squeaks* MEANIE!!!!!

The Freak: But you WERE staring.

The Evil Blonde: I can't help it. He fascinates me.

The Freak: You are such a dork.

The Evil Blonde: *sigh* I know.


You know what I realized at this party? Lots of people get off on picking on me, even my boss, who was totally harassing me about my crush on Tommy Shaw from Styx. (See pic, he is so cute. And no fucking with me allowed over how vertically challenged he is. *growl*)

I found out that there's PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE of my bartending at the staff party I groped Muscles at. SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!! I was like....uh.........could you please burn them? And this girl laughed and said no, but she'd email them to me. Grrrrrrrrrreat!!!!!!! Apparently I am quite interestingly posed in some of them.

The Freak: *observing Muscles* You know, The Wee General's husband's arms are just as big as Muscles' are.

The Evil Blonde: Uh uh!!!! No way!

The Freak: Yeah they are. Muscles is just really tall so it's more obvious.

The Evil Blonde: *thinks to self, must figure out a way to see TWG's hub with his shirt off*

So far, I was doing fine. A bunch of people were teasing me about the bartending thing, but I hadn't done anything totally stupid yet. Ohhhhhh but the cringe-worthy moment of the day was about to happen, and be fully witnessed, much to my chagrin, by The Freak...........

I get up from my perch on the deck to go throw away our empty bottles, and have to walk right by Muscles. My heart races, because I am, you know.....a dork.....

I am passing him and we finally speak.

Muscles: *grinning at me* Hey (name deleted). Having fun?

The Evil Blonde: *still walking fast* I'm fine how are you? (Note, he didn't ask me how I was!!!! He asked if I was having FUN!) *never stopped walking*

And Muscles tries to HUG me.

Shit.

I wasn't expecting that. I am still walking, he tries to hug me and basically gets my right arm. I've got my arms full of bottles, but I then try to make my legs stop running, and stop and turn. By now, he sorta stopped trying to hug me, I think he noticed me trying to flee the scene.... And dorkish me tries to hug him back too late. Then we're like, wrapped in this awkward, long embrace that probably lasted 10 seconds but felt like ten minutes. I pull away and practically RUN to the trash can to throw my bottles away. I turn around and catch The Freak LAUGHING HIS DAMN ASS OFF from across the deck. Then I started laughing because he was laughing so hard. Then some random supervisors start looking at me like I'm nuts (which I suppose, I am) and I tried to explain that The Freak was teasing me.....

Oy.

I staggered back over to The Freak.

The Freak: You are such a DORK! He tried to talk to you and you RAN!

The Evil Blonde: *blushes and sighs* Told you I do that.

I swear, I used to have social skills.

Muscles. Oy.

Soooo........today was my first encounter with Muscles after my recent humiliation .

*cringe*

A friend and I go in to the back part of my office building. We're chatting, goofing off, whatever. It's time to go back up front to my office and I go barreling around the corner and almost run smack dab in to Muscles. He is standing there with our mutual friend R. I sorta stumbled (of course), said hello, and RAN.

A few minutes later, R. comes up to me giggling. She tells me that she and Muscles were perfectly aware of where I was, and that she was telling him he needed to block me and flex for me. I shrieked. She said he knew I had a friend with me, so he'd catch me next time.

Oh gawwwwwwd.

"Next time" could be TOMORROW. I have to see Muscles again TOMORROW. And it's not in the work environment, it's at a frikkin PARTY. The same people that I played bartender to that fateful night in November will be there!

I can guaran-damn-tee you, I am NOT CONSUMING ANY ALCOHOL this time!!!!!

I wonder if I can make myself catch The Plague by tomorrow. Surely my boss would accept The Plague as an excuse to bail?

I feel a big time cringe-fest coming on. *shudder*

And in other news......The Wee General is camping. *pout*

A hangover and a ghost

Uuuuuugh.

I have a very low tolerance for alcohol. I am a very cheap date. Two drinks and I'm toast.

Last night The Freak and I went out with Cougar (formerly known as "BBF") and her family. I had two margaritas, a jello shot and some Barcadi thing that tasted like lime gatorade. It was a fun night, but oy my achin' head!

Sadly, we did not manage to work in any of my favorite shot -- Buttery Nipples.

Judging by my raging headache, perhaps this is a good thing.

*whimper*

I got to spend a lot of time with the Cougar yesterday. I really needed a fix. We work together, but the last several weeks I have hardly had time to even say hi to her. SUCKS!!!!!

Anyways.

Cougar and I met some friends for lunch at this really cool cafe that is in an old part of town. This place is rather infamous for being haunted by the ghost of the original owner. I think this place was a saloon (Coug, do I have that right?) a hundred years ago. Old Charlie died in the upstairs area of what is now a cafe, and the waiters/waitresses have all had creepy experiences there.

So.

We're sitting at out table and our waitress comes up. She was very excited, and asked if we had heard Charlie. We were like....uhh.....no.....? She said she had just heard some banging from upstairs and had asked if anyone was up there. No one was upstairs.

A few minutes later I hear what sounds like someone hammering from upstairs. I squeaked out to Cougar, LISTEN!!! OMG!!!! And we all sat there with our mouths open. BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG........it was crazy. Our waitress came back and we were like.....uhhhhhh.....Charlie seems rather agitated today.

It was frikkin weird.......but oh so cool.

I am fascinated by ghosties, especially since I saw my first one last August. I used to think people who thought they saw them were weird until I saw one myself.

*shiver*

So today.....I am hungover.....stuck at work for 18 hours............and quite focused on things that go bump in the night.

And, oddly enough, I am horny as hell. Why do hangovers always make me horny?

I know. I'm weird.

*growl*

I am sooooo spanking this girl when we meet one day..

Surely this is too low....

You Are 50% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

Mmmmmmm........50%? I thought it would be higher than that! LOL!!!!

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

Touching myself...stroking gently...slowly at first...wishing my hands were yours........

Are you thinking of me now Baby? Are you wanting me as badly as I am wanting you?

Take me now. Cum inside me. Make me scream and make me purrrrrrrrr......

I feel so tingly...

Holy merde.

I reached 50k hits today.

Duuuuuude!

And it was one of my sexy Brits!!!!!!!!!!

Visit 50,000
IP Address XX.XXX.XX.# (British Telecommunications)
ISP British Telecommunications
Location Continent: Europe
Country: United Kingdom

State/Region: Rotherham City: Treeton
Time of Visit Apr 5 2006 9:59:57 am
Apr 5 2006 2:59:57 pm
Visit Number 50,000

I love you, whoever you are!

New music alert...

Find in me the room to breathe....But, if this must be, then burn with me...Anything Just don't leave... Find in me...Room to breathe...Until the rapture comes to meet us...

Click here!

This is one of the bands The Freak found this week. I really like them. I think this would be good sex music...... *purrrrr*

April

I apologize in advance for my behavior this month. I have a difficult death anniversary tomorrow and another one in a couple weeks. I tend to go a little bonkers this time of year.

I'm also dealing with what appears to be the death of a special friendship, and that has me distracted and feeling....a bit lost.

I promise I'm not going anywhere, but if I act a little weirder than usual (heh) you know why.

Maybe I need to go watch some of our new porn. New porn always makes me happy.

xoxoxo
-eB.

Sex music

Five minutes ago this was a completely different post about music that was more sentimental in content. If you read it and feel confused, you're not crazy (well, I mean, you MIGHT be, but....), I just thought it was a little darker (due to the song choice/lyrics) than actually suits my mood today.

Do you listen to music when you have sex? I think this Enigma song is sexy as hell. I love the Enigma Greatest hits cd, Love Sensuality Devotion.

Click here to listen to "Sadeness" by Enigma....

I just bought a great "Makin' Luuuuuuuv" cd of classical music that I highly recommend. It has some of my very very very favorite pieces of music on it. Bedroom Adagios. You can listen to samples at that link. Track number 9 on disk one, Sicilienne, is a particularly good arrangement. Great music for sex on a rainy day. *grin*

Nine Inch Nails Pretty Hate Machine is great when you are playing around with BDSM....I've made a few suggestions......you guys have any? Mmmmmm.......I sooooo totally have sex on the brain today. It's all that damn porn.

Still working on that frikkin poll. *grin*

Position of the week and a very porny weekend...

Saturday night we decided we needed new porn.

We went to this new place that The Freak (I think I am going to just call hub The Freak instead of Other Half/The Mister/all that other stuff) had spotted on our way home from the 'rents a couple weeks ago.

OMG!

This store is so frikkin COOL!

It used to be a fancy auto dealership. They converted what used to be the show room floor in to an adult playground. TONS of magazines and books, every type of lube and toy you can think of.....they even had BONDAGE furniture! I'm in love with this place. The entire second floor is porn DVDs!!!!!!

We bought three. *giggling*

We've watched part of one so far (we got distracted. ahem.). I can't remember the title off the top of my head, but it was pretty good. "Anal Teens 37" or something like that. We found another one in this series that we totally love called "Hell Cats" by Joey Silvera. We also bought one from another series directed by Joey called something like "New Girls". We love his "gonzo" porn directing style, and all of the actors in his films are smokin' hawwwwwt. Reviews on the other new ones cumming soon. ;)

This week's position made me a verrrrrrry happy girl this morning.

*wicked grin*

I was on my right side with my knees tucked under my chin. The Freak was kneeling behind me -- think doggie position. He put his right hand under my left knee and pushed it towards my ear. Then with his left hand he went back and forth between pinching my nipples and rubbing my clit. This position works great for anal too.

*innocent smile*

I'll try to get the poll on what the heck I am going to call you pervs up some time on Monday. I've got to find one that will allow something like 20 choices. LOL!!!! If you have any last minute additions, email me or leave them here in the comments.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

A very bare evening....oh my....

Oh my my my.

*blush*

I got home from work last night and basically attacked The Quiet Backdoor Sliding Freak I married. Maybe I just needed it bad - it was a stressful week.....or maybe it was the sexy as hell Shakira video he was watching. We are both fascinated by the way she belly-dances. As LL said, you just KNOW she is amazing in bed by the way she moves those hips. Freak was watching one in spanish that I couldn't find, but here's a little Shakira in English... Watch the hips! Oh my...

Click here to see the video for Hips Don't Lie by Shakira

Anyways.

So, we dash off in to the bedroom and start messing around a bit, and The Mister decides he wants to shave me. COMPLETELY. We've been together for 8 years as of next month, and he has never been the one to...errr......prune my hedges? (Good gawd I am laughing and blushing!)

So he does.

Oh my.

BARE. 100% BARE!!!!!!!

Girls, have you ever had a man use an electric razor on you? It was vibrating so hard that I thought I was going to cum. It was great until I caught the tickle bug on my right side. Every time he ventured to my right, I thought I was going to die from tickle torture and couldn't stop giggling like a maniac. It's a miracle I didn't get injured.

It sorta reminded me of when I got my ears pierced. I almost left with only one done because I am such a wuss about needles. I was laying there having these flashes in my head of a very peculiar....er......haircut -- only one side. Ahem.

But we got through it.......and somehow, it felt even more intimate than him going down on me. It was quite an experience. And good gawd did it ever make both of us hot.

We just tore. Each. Other. Up.

I have vague memories of him fucking me from behind and demanding I tell him I how I wanted to be fucked, and me screaming something like fuck me like a whore.

Repeatedly.

Good gawd. Where did THAT come from?

And as I type this, I am sitting here thinking......god I want it again. Just like that.

*quiver*

I'm going to cum just THINKING about it!

*pant*

Hurry up and come home from work damnit!!!!