Scene from the gym....

(By the way, I am still taking names for my little contest in the previous post!!!!)

.....Earlier tonight.....

I am on the floor, doing an astronomical number of crunches.

The Wee General: Stop making that face, ya pussy.

The Evil Blonde: *glares and flips off TWG with both hands*

The Wee General: *snickers*

Random Gym Dude to TWG: Is she being a pussy again?

The Wee General: *high fives Random Gym Dude*

The Evil Blonde: *wishes great pain on Random Gym Dude, mutters something about not being an effing pussy*

The Wee General: Hub and I had a fight last night.

The Evil Blonde: One of your wrestling/cage fighting practice fights or an argument?

The Wee General: Sort of a play fight.

The Evil Blonde: Ok. Spill it. *crunch*

The Wee General: We were taking a shower together.

The Evil Blonde: *thinking naughty thoughts, still crunching*

The Wee General: We started sorta shooting each other with water and being silly.

The Evil Blonde: *crunch*crunch* And....?

The Wee General: And he peed on me.

The Evil Blonde: *freezes in mid air*

The Wee General: ...but I didn't feel it. He started on my foot, but the water was warm sooo.....

The Evil Blonde: *still frozen*

The Wee General: ....he aimed higher on my thigh. I still didn't feel it....

The Evil Blonde: *slowly lowers self to ground, stares at TWG with eyebrow arched*

The Wee General: ....sooooooo.....he aimed for "The Weapons".

The Evil Blonde: *shrieks* He did WHAT?!?!?!?!?

The Wee General: He peed on my boobs. I noticed that time.

The Evil Blonde: *gasps, laughs, stares*

The Wee General: I didn't tell you to stop.

The Evil Blonde: *moan*giggle*crunch*crunch*moan*crunch*

The Wee General: So...I grabbed his cock and tried to aim it at his chest, and it wound up getting all over his hands. You know what he did? He reached up and patted my face!!!

The Evil Blonde: *speechless*

The Wee General: He's done it before. I wanted to get him back, but I didn't have to go.

The Evil Blonde: Uhmmmmm........

The Wee General: Stop making that face at me.

The Evil Blonde: Are you saying that YOU HAVE PEED ON HIM TOO?!?!?!?

The Wee General: Yep!

The Evil Blonde: WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!???!??! And you think my BDSM STUFF IS WEIRD?!?!??!?!??!?!??!?! You PEE on each other for FUN?!??! And how the hell do you aim at him if you are standing up?!??! Oh god why am I asking this!??!??!

The Wee General: *cackles* I sorta stradle his leg and.......

The Evil Blonde: Ok, just STOP! *laughing uncontrollably*

The Wee General: *giggles* It's not a sexual thing! Sheesh! *smiles a rascally smile* You know what I discovered when I was breastfeeding?

The Evil Blonde: No, but I am scared you are going to tell me.

The Wee General: I could nail hub with breast milk from six feet away!

The Evil Blonde: Oh my gawd. *sticks fingers in ears* La la la! Can't hear you! Can't hear you! STOP TELLING ME STORIES PLEASE!!!!!

The Wee General: I did get even with him last night.

The Evil Blonde: *groans, then realizes TWG has forgotten about the crunches, starts to grin*

The Wee General: After he got in bed, I went and got a giant glass of ice water and dumped it on his head.

The Evil Blonde: Mmmmmmmmkay.....?

The Wee General: He grabbed me, flipped me on to the bed and put me in the wet spot.

The Evil Blonde: Oh eeew. I hate the wet spot.

Random Eavesdropping Gym Guy who is slowly backing away: Listening to you two is starting to scare me.

Sometimes, she scares me too!!!!

The new look!

Scroll down to the next post if you are looking for my naughty HNT pics. Leather and lace this week. *purrrrrr*

Mia from Ciao My Bella (linkie in my side bar!) did a beautiful job redesigning me. I love working with her. It's ridiculously easy! You look at pictures, choose whatever "speaks" to you, and she takes it and runs with it. I wish I was that creative. Damn!

By the way, I owe the new blog name to Miss LL. She called me Evilicious Blonde in a recent post of hers. On the same day, I found the pic of the blonde with the whip and thought YES!!! THAT'S TOTALLY ME! LOL!!!!! So thank you LL!!!! I heart you!

I realize I can't call you guys "Flowers" anymore. *pout* That smartass SGT suggested a contest to "rename" yourselves, with the winner getting a "special" HNT pic. I could take suggestions, put up a poll, and see what happens. What do you guys think?

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

The Mister chose this week's pics featuring my favorite leather collar and our mutual favorite lingerie of mine.

I still can't believe it, but my perv started his own blog. So far it's all porn and music. *grin*

Please go say hi to The Quiet Freak who pleasures me...over....and over......and over.............in so many creative and deliciously wicked ways..............

If you'd like to join in the HNT fun, click the linkie in my sidebar!!!

Letting go....

I've never been good at it -- letting go.

I still have the first vibrator I ever bought. It doesn't work, but I still have it. Not because I plan to use it again. It's the memories associated with it. The history. My first Dom made me buy it. I was in my twenties...

Have I told this story???

I went to this toy store, having never been to one in my life. I walked around until I found the wall o' vibrators. I quickly chose one, and basically ran to the counter to check out. The lady at the cash register sent me to a separate counter, because someone had to put batteries in the damn thing to make sure it worked. I go over to this counter, trying not to pass out from embarrassment, and there is a drag queen waiting for me. Yes, a drag queen, in full, fabulously dramatic makeup, dressed like a gothic vampire, sitting there grinning at me. I hand her the vibrator case. She ooos and ahhhhs, takes it out, pops batteries in it, sets it on the frikkin glass counter, and the damn thing makes this awful noise that resembles a chain saw as it spins, yes, SPINS, rapidly in a circle.

At this point, I thought I was going to hyperventilate. There's other customers gawking. The fabulous drag queen is laughing her ass off...

Finally, the naughty thang takes pity one me and grabs the rotating source of my embarrassment, giggles at me, pats me on the head, takes the batteries out, and sends me back to the cashier with a sticker on my vibrator box. (that sounds pervy!)

Eventually, I saw the humor in that story, and of course, I fell in love with the feel of a vibrator......so I have kept the damn thing, despite the fact it has been broken for like, ever.

I form attachments to things.

Sometimes it is an inanimate (well, it USED to be animate) object like a vibrator.

I still have the outfit I was wearing when I met The Mister, despite him telling me years later he thought it was very Stevie Nicks-ish.

Books and music are things I can never let go of.

Concert ticket stubs, backstage passes....

I could list a thousand examples if bed wasn't calling me.

I've got something in my life that has been important to me for a long time that I don't want to let go of. In typical me fashion, I am beating myself up, doubting my decision making abilities, second guessing myself, wondering if I have lost my mind.

I want to keep it. Watch over it. Cherish it. Keep it safe and keep it close.

I've never been one that knows how to let go. Damn astrological sign. Grrrrr.

Ooopsie.

Sunday afternoon, I took some sheets downstairs to wash them. As I was putting them in the washing machine, I felt something hard. I dug around and found a bottle of "Hot Sex" heating massage oil. I giggled, walked in to the kitchen, placed it on the island in there, and went back to my laundry.

Sunday night, The Wee General (aka my trainer, aka my next door neighbor that I've made out with), calls me desperate for books and a diet pepsi. When she comes over, we always wind up in my kitchen (because it is so frikkin COOL). She walks over to her usual perch at the kitchen island (you see where this is going, right?), and sits in her usual counter stool. She places the books she brought over to trade on the counter. I point to the ones I gathered for her.

The Mister and I stand there chitchatting with her for a bit, and I notice her eyes getting very big. She starts BLUSHING like mad, says she should get back to her kids, and basically runs out the door.

The Mister and I both sorta look at each other like "huh?".

And then I look on the counter........and there it is. That bottle of "Hot Sex", the label facing where she was sitting, the bottle right next to where her books had been.....

Ooopsie.

It could have been worse. It could have been my favorite flogger, and TWG could have been my Mother......

I realize it isn't Christmas, but....

Click here!

Blame Crutch for this one!!!!

*evil grin*

Large talons.

Oh my gawwwwwwwwwd.....

I think I just fell in love with a very naughty Englishman.

I swear he can read my mind.

Holy merde.

I have no idea what to call this post.

Enough with the harassing emails. I'll write about my recent humiliation. Sheesh!

Oh, why am I bothering acting "put out". The prodding was cute. Have I mentioned lately how much I missed you guys?

So here we go. *cringe*

The WORST part is, I almost got away with playing it cool, and then blew it in the fourth quarter, the ninth inning, etc.

Part of the reason I wasn't going in to details was because J, henceforth known here as "Muscles", had the address of the old blog. He didn't ask me where the blog went yesterday, so I guess it's safe to write about it. Not sure if the not asking thing was lack of opportunity, lack of interest, or he hasn't seen it hath been zapped.

Hmmmm.....lack of interest. Let me state first of all, with apologies to The Mister........have you ever been around someone and you could just FEEL them watching you? It's....incredibly flattering, but also unnerving. Hence the fluster. Hence the eventual humiliation.

I didn't really know Muscles until about two years ago or so, when he started providing security to someone who works in my office. Last summer especially, he was constantly in and out of my office, always teasing me about this teddy bear thing I used to keep in my office.

The Mister gave the bear to me. It was in a leather g-string, leather bra, and it's hands were all cuffed together. Yes, I have the kind of job where something like this displayed in one's office does not raise eyebrows.

*grin*

Muscles noticed when the bear disappeared. I change the decor in my office at least once a year. When you live at the office, you need the scenery to change periodically or you go insane. Muscles started teasing about where the bear went everytime he came in to my office.

(If Muscles ever asks for this new blog addy, I am soooooo deleting this post!)

Well, if you read the post before last, then you know I got drunk last fall, he flexed his muscles for me several times (which fascinate me because, being a gym rat myself, I understand how much work goes in to what he has). As you know, I told him about the blog, and he told me stories about.....

Hmmm.......

Well, he won't see this, right?

His "real" job is one that requires him to go to peoples' homes and fix something. He is rather....errr......popular with the housewives, if ya know what I'm saying. That man could write a thousand letters to Penthouse Forum.

Ahem.

I left out how frikkin astounding Muscles looks before because I knew he was going to read that original post. He is very tall, maybe 6'3"? 6'4"?, as I have already mentioned he has very large and impressive muscles, shaved head, the most piercing aqua-blue eyes, killer tan. He must have had blonde hair before he started shaving his head because his eyebrows and eyelashes are light. I think he is in his late 30's.

So, the night of that staff party, as mentioned before, we had this funny drunken conversation until I sobered up to drive. He's a very nice man. We bonded over gym talk, blog stories, laughed a lot... .

I haven't seen or talked to him since.

So.

Saturday. I thought he might be there. I knew I was going to blush like mad because he has now seen my HNT pics, read the naughty workings of my mind, probably heard my audio posts, etc...

I walked inside the building and stood at the back of the room. I have to stay until I am introduced, say hi, then I split. Lucky me.

The thing begins, and I sense I am being stared at. Out of the corner of my eye, I can tell it is Muscles. He was standing inside a hallway, just outside of everyone else's view. I could tell he was facing me. I guess he wanted to catch my eye. I just smiled and stared straight ahead, feigning interest in the VP's speech.

At this point, for those keeping score, I am doing ok, feeling full of mischief and in control.

All of the supervisors, of which he is one, get called up front to be introduced to all the new staff. Ahhhhh......the chance to glance at him and not get caught. Yep, still tan with lots of muscles. Then my assistant and I get introduced, and the supervisors walk back to the back of the room where I am. Instead of heading back to his hallway, he walks directly in my path and says something to me. Teases me about something. I can't even remember what. I have NO idea what I said back, but things are still fine. I have yet to take the train to Dorkville. Muscles takes position directly behind me. I turn to speak to someone standing next to him, and catch Muscles smiling at me.

Cool. Still doing fine. Feeling strange, a bit embarrassed, but doing fine. I go back to my office, find last fall's post about the drunken night, and write the update post.

Fast forward.

Orientation number one ends. I dash home to change clothes because I was hot (it was like...40 in the morning and 80 in the afternoon? WTF?). I come back and there he is, greeting people at the gate. I turn to walk towards my office and he steps in my path. I step to the right, he steps in front of me. I step to the left, he steps in front of me. I don't know how the heck it happened, but I walk in to him and all of a sudden he is hugging me. He says "Thank you" in my ear. (Thank you??? Now that I think about it, what does THAT mean?) I smile, say nothing, walk to my office.

At this point, I feel in control. I'm not the shy, sometimes awkward (real first name deleted). I am my blogger alterego, the one you can't call me anymore, Bl------. I am confident. I am savvy. I am playing this well.

And then.......KABOOM! I blow it.

I think to myself, self, you should go ask him how he is or something. He has tried to initiate conversation twice and you have played it cool. What if it was TOO cool? If you want to be friends with this guy, you should be friendly.

BIG MISTAKE.

So, I walk back outside before I can change my mind. I take a deep breath.

In my mind, I am sexy, confident Bl------, who can talk to anyone, can do anything she sets her mind to.

I walk up to Muscles, tap him on the shoulder, say something so STUPID in his ear I can't even bare to type it. He looks at me funny. I try to recover, and I ask him how he has been. He says fine. I get flustered. After a minute of very awkward small talk that I have thankfully blocked from my mind, I ask him AGAIN how he has been. He looks at me kinda funny, arches an eyebrow.

BLACK HAWK DOWN! BLACK HAWK DOWN!!!!

Thank the maker someone walks up to say hi to him, and I basically RUN back to my office, update the blog, and start counting the minutes before I have to go back over there........wishing I had a time machine so that I could just go back and erase that moment.

The rest of the day, I couldn't look him in the eye. I have no idea if he tried to talk to me again. I was so embarrassed! I threw myself back in to the middle of the returning supervisors, chatting with them, acting the social butterfly...

And then I did the mature thing.

I hid.

Ahem.

I just looked at the calendar. I have about two weeks before I cross paths with Muscles again. I know what Bl------ would do. She would take the bondage bear back up to the office and display it with a spotlight, snickering in delight as she waited for April 8th.

Hmmmm.

My boys...

Two of my favorite things...
The world's largest cat (He"interrupted" us. Ahem.)

and The Mister. ;) *purrrrrrrr*

A Flashback and an update.....

Aye carumba. Today is our seasonal/part time staff's orientation. Remember this little post on my drunken exploits from that "other" blog last fall?

Have you ever...

...gone to a giant staff party...

...where you are one of five full time people present in a room of several hundred part time people that the party is honoring....

...so you help bartend because one of your best friends on the staff is helping out already and you want to play with her 'cause she's cool...

...and apparently you proceed to drink more margaritas than you serve...

...which results in you becoming rather blitzed...

...and the crowd includes five of your part time employees who can't stop telling you what a cute drunk you are...

...and then you tell your other favorite girlfriend, R, how fascinated you are with a security supervisor's muscles...

...and she calls J over, has him flex for you, and you nearly pass out...

...and you proceed to tell them both about your naughty blog and how to find it via a google search...

...and the party ends, and you tell some guy's wife, whom you have never met before, that J flexed and you nearly passed out...

...then you stagger out to the parking lot where R harasses you without mercy about the multiple-mentioned-muscle-fascination...

...and she calls J over and tells him to walk you to your car...

...and you talk to J for a long time about the naughty blog, his "real job" adventures (oh my...he should write a naughty blog too...), probably mention his muscles a time or two because you have lost some sort of filter that prevents you from saying whatever pops in to your wittle blonde head, and thankfully sober up a bit because it is COLD...

...so you drive home, call (pet name deleted) on the way home because he lives two hours behind you, probably mention alcohol and muscles a LOT...

...so you get home, CHECK THE BLOG FOR NEW COMMENTS BECAUSE YOU ARE AN OBSESSED FREAK and send a couple drunken emails...

...crawl in to bed and wake up your husband a mere two and a half hours before his alarm goes off for work...

...so when he gets out of bed, he makes noise and turns a light on for revenge...

...and you wake up, moan, and suddenly realize you feel woozy and dehydrated...

...so you crawl in to the bathroom to splash water in your face...

...you happen to catch your reflection in the mirror...

...and shriek WTF is that in my HAIR??!?!?!?

...then you crawl down the stairs for gatorade and aspirin...

...and the computer calls to you, because you are insane...

AND YOU FRIKKIN WRITE THIS BLOG POST!

So, I guess the point of me reposting my little story of drunken debauchery is the guy with the muscles, aka J, is back this season. Oh my my my. I think I'm blushing.

Update on the update....
Uuuuuuuuugh. I am such a frikkin DORK. An easily flustered DORK. I refuse to give up any details. I've said enough as it is.

*cringe*

Everyone I know is a comedien! LOL!

I was texting with Crutch. You remember Crutch right? Frequent commenter on the "old" (shhhhh!) site, recently promoted to Gunny SGT in the Marines (have to brag on him a bit!), fellow pervert, etc.

I can't go in to details as to WHY, but I am currently surrounded by lots of guys in full Native American tribal dress, who are dancing and playing drums.

I sent Crutch a pic, and he writes me back --

"Give 'em some Firewater, Spanked-by-Sailor".

OMG! If I didn't already have a new nickname...

Yes, it's true, I'm a freak.

If you have not seen the movie "Silence of the lambs", you can stop reading this post right now. You won't get it! LOL!

I was IMing with MJ today, and I can't remember exactly how the topic came up, but he sent me a link to a song about "Silence of the lambs". It's a song from the bad guy's perspective, and it is hysterical. You can listen to the song and watch the video here.

So for what you are about to experience, BLAME HIM! LOL!

Most of you are not aware of something about me. A secret. A BIG secret. One I rarely discuss. I probably talk about anal sex in public more that I talk about this obsession of mine. Are you ready? Have you braced yourselves?

I am a musical theater nerd.

Not only am I an expert in various theater trivia.........I collect stuff. WEIRD stuff. I can sing the musical Rent.....in Swedish...and Italian....and Spanish....and Korean......

Ahem.

I'll spare you the gritty details of all my various collections. Just take my word for it when I tell you I am SCARY.

Soooo.....MJ sent me that video, and my musical theater nerdiness popped out to say hello. My darling pervs, there actually is a musical version of "Silence of the Lambs"!!!!!

And ohhhhhhhh my gawwwwwwwwd.......you MUST download this MP3...........

Go here

Find my personal favorite, track number 6, called "Put the fucking lotion in the basket". TRUST ME ON THIS pervs. You gotta hear it!!!!!!

The middle part when "Jamie" is going "oooooh ahhhhhhh" and there's sound effects in the background.....and then he says "Precious?"........

Oh. My. Gawwwwwwwwwwwwwd. Priceless.

Maybe I should post a sex story next. I feel so manic! LOL!

Ahhhh....it's great to be writing again.

I was thinking last night and this morning about "certainties" in life.....you know, things you can always count on.

In the random, odd sort of order they pop in to my head.....

* I know that "Extreme Makeover Home Edition" is going to make me cry. The Mister refuses to watch it with me anymore because it has gotten so schmaltzy. Did any of you watch the Hurricane edition last night? I think I cried the entire damn hour, especially when they highlighted the man who lost his whole family. Crikey.

* I know that The Wee General is going to snap out of this religious fanatic phase of hers and want to make out with me again.

* I know The Mister is going to find cool new bands for me to fall in love with. I couldn't find a video for the band we are both currently obsessed with called Evans Blue, but I found one for Blue October. Click here. I love that song.

* I know that 99.99999% of the time, The Mister is going to give me multiple orgasms. *melt* Damn he's good.

* I know LL will make me think.

* I know SJR (aka Nipples, Biscuit, and lots of other things), Eric the Straight White Guy and Acidman will make me laugh.

* I know Suze's stories and pics will get me hot and bothered.

* I know I can read my favorite blogs (see the linkies in my side bar!) and be completely transported and entertained, no matter how bad of a day I am having.

* I know that the blogosphere will keep bringing fascinating people in to my life, and I can't wait to see who crosses my path next.

I heart you guys. Damn I'm happy today.

A red, (off) white, and blue Half Nekkid Thursday

For more on HNT, please click on the linkie to Osbasso's site in my sidebar!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Drunnnnnnnnnnnnk!

Just got back from The Wee General's abode.

*hiccup*

I do believe I am intoxicated.

*hiccup*

She sure is cute.

*hiccup*

A wee fit of hissy....

I have a confession to make.

I have a temper.

Yes, for those of you who think I am "sweet" and not "dark and mysterious" as I swear I am.....

I. Have. A. Temper.

It's those damn Irish/German genes of mine.

Do you ever have any "The sky is falling" moments, where everything is just wrong and everything makes you mad? Well, I had one of those weeks really, and my temper flared......and I got even......by being rather passive/aggressive in a wicked, impish sort of way.

It's a small thing. A tiny thing. But damn, did it amuse me.

It is actually something I have done before.

When I am angry and I want to punish someone without being bothered to confront them......I change their ring tone on The Precious II (aka, my beloved cell phone).

You see, my dear readers/friends-formerly-known-as-flowers, when you piss me off, I don't necessarily tell you. I am not a confrontational person by nature. I don't like arguments, and I suck at debates.

Soooo......I have my own little way of venting. *wicked grin*

I currently have one person firmly in the proverbial doghouse.....so ya know what I did? I changed the ringer tone that normally suits him rather well to "I want to be a lady's maid" from a musical based on the sinking of the Titanic.

Isn't that fun?

Ohhhhhh if you could hear me cackling.....

So THERE you ninny. You pissed me off and basically got be fired up enough to blog again ahead of my new template install, which I swore I wouldn't do.

Perhaps I should thank you?

Naw. I think I will just play "I want to be a lady's maid" over and over.....cackling to myself, whilst frightening my assistant. What fun!




How evil are you?

I think Twisted suits me. ;)

Though it is not Thursday, I am posting a damn picture because it has been for frikkin ever and I want to damnit!!!!! I've never shown how long my hair is before. Heck, even I didn't know until this round of pictures! Damn!




Good gawd I have missed you people.

Doh!

My site designer's puter has the hiccups, so it will be a little while longer before the new template is installed. Crossing my fingers for some time next week.

I heart you guys!

xoxoxoxo

Back from vacay!!!

Ohhhhhh my........the new graphic for the "new" site was waiting for me in my email. Boy oh boy is it ever HAWWWWWWWWWWT!!!!!!!!! Can't wait for you guys to see it.

*grin*

xoxoxoxoxo