A cock whuppin'!

As I type this post, my eyes are absolutely on fire because I have been laughing so hard that all of my mascara has run in to my poor eyes.

*verrrry impish grin*

If you've checked out the "update" on the previous post about anal sex, you may have realized that uh.....I totally got busted. *grin* I gave My First Dom (I suppose I will start calling him MFD here) my blog addy a long time ago. I guess I just assumed he'd kinda forgetten about it. WRONG! He read my glowing little review of his "anal prowess". Direct quote from the email I received, "I think I just made the blog.....". HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Uhm, yes, yes you did Sir!!! LMAO! Dare I mention that was not the first time? Nawwwww.... Flowers, we'll just keep that "our little secret", k? ;)

Today on the way back from lunch, Cougar and I discussed the anal post, and I was giggling about catching him off guard with it (and vice versa, 'cause when he emailed me, I was stunned! LOL).

Ohhhhh Flowers. I had another memory flash.

Of course, I immediately told The Coug.

Blondage: Ohhhhhmygawd. I just remembered something!

Cougar:?!?!?!?!?

Blondage: In one of our first phone conversations, before we ever met in person, we'd been talking about sex...

Cougar: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!???

Blondage: He said to me, in that low, calm voice of his, "I'm not a small man Blondage.". It was a reference to his cock. Talk about a mental orgasm!!!!! *purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

Cougar: *shrieks and whoooooops* Was it long enough to spank you with it?

Now Flowers.

I don't know how in the hell to write what she did so that you fully grasp the hilarity that ensued. Picture us sitting in her vehicle in the parking lot, about to get out of the car. She asks me the question about him spanking me with his cock, and while I am shrieking and gasping for breath, she starts making these....hand gestures. Actually, it was more like a full body gesture. She had her hands waaaaaaaay out in front of her, pretended to hold an extremely long cock with both hands, and started making these frantic, jerky "whipping" gestures. We're talking FULL BODY MOTION too!!!!

So I am dying....and she starts making the gestures, and then makes COMMENTS.

Blondage: *absolutely wrecked with laughter*

Cougar: *frantic cock whipping gestures* BEND OVER!

Blondage: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Cougar: I'm gonna SPANK you with it!!!! *whip whip whip whip*

Blondage: OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *screeeeeeeaming*

Cougar: *whipping with every syllable for emphasis* NAUGH-TY GIRL! YOU NAUGH-TY NAUGH-TY GIRL!!! BENNNNNND OVER!!!!!!!!

Blondage: *shriek/sputter/HOWL*

Cougar: Take THAT! *whip-whip-whipping motion* NAUGH-TY GIRL! NAUGH-TY GIRRRRRRL!!!!

Can an appendix suddenly burst due to mass quantities of hysterical laughter? I swear to god, I am lucky to be alive.

*wink*

Happy Friday, my pretty pretty Flowers!

I'm feelin' naughty.

Let's talk about anal sex, shall we?

*wicked grin*

Anal has come up several times in random conversations I have had in the last week or so, and now, I can't seem to get it out of my mind. Wheeeeee!

So let's talk anal.

The first time I tried it I hated it. H-A-T-E-D it. I was in college. He was the jackass I lost my virginity to. He was four years older than me. My young, innocent little brain assumed older equaled sexual knowledge and/or experience. WRONG!!!!!!

In his favor, I should mention he had a really, really nice cock. I remember it being quite big, but keep in mind, it WAS the first one I'd ever played with. ;)

So, back to my first anal experience.

It was DREADFUL! Aaaaaaack!!!! He used ZERO lube, he went WAY too fast for my virgin ass, and he was just clueless! UGH!

Bad bad bad.

Soooo....I thought I would never in my life feel like going there again....

And I got older...

And I began to explore my "submissive" side...

And I read this damn book. *grin* I wish I could remember the name of it. I lost it years ago. It was about this submissive and her first Master, and how she eventually was expected to surrender her ass. :)

Well....

It was fucking HOT.

So I started fantasizing about being in that scenario...

And I met my first Dom.

*purrrrrrrrrrrrr*

I can't remember what I told him exactly -- whether I mentioned to him I had only had anal once or not....I may have just told him I loved it, loved the idea, or whatever....

That first weekend we spent together....jesus.

Things with him have gotten hazier than I would like in my mind, but I remember crystal clear the first time he took my ass. I was tied up, tied TO my futon, kneeling on the floor... He had been going at me with all kinds of fun things (floggers, paddles, everything but the kitchen sink)... My ass was on fire from all sorts of fun abuse. Ooomph. I was to that point where I was so turned on I would have said yes to any thing his wicked mind could conjure up. He was spanking me HARD, and fingering me periodically, making me frikking insane. He paused and hissed in my ear, "Now Blondage, your Master is going to take your ass." That calm, stern voice... That was 11 years ago, and I STILL shiver when I think about his words and the tone of his voice. He used lots of lube, and went verrrrrrrrrry slow....and ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyy goooooooooooooooooooood.

It. Was. Fantastic.

.....and an anal ehnthusiast, was born.

*wink*

My "anal submission" is not about just the pleasure I have learned how to get from the act itself. It's a combination of things -- the thrill of the forbidden, the feeling of being incredibly naughty and daring, the MENTAL aspect of it.... All sorts of different things pile on top of each other and the end result? The most incredibly astounding, full body vibrating, insanely intense orgasms ever.

*purr*

- - - UPDATE - - -
Omg.....I just got sooooooooooooo busted. *sheepish grin* Everyone wave hello to the handsome man in the corner with the really calm, stern voice......

*scampers off giggling*

The Doctor Blondage Guide to Anal Sex

Anal sex.

Men crave it. Women fear it.

Or....at least most seem to.

I'd like to help, out of the kindness of my pervy wittle heart.

*wicked grin*

Soooo.....presenting....the Doctor Blondage little guide to happy anal sex.

First things first. Invest in some really good lube. NOT KY. KY was not made for anal. It dries up! You need to get something specifically made for anal sex. Astroglide is decent. ID Millenium is better, but more expensive. If you want to have anal with your lady friend more than once, buy the good stuff and use it liberally.

But alas, I getting a bit ahead of myself. *grin*

So invest in good lube, keep it near by.

On the night you are ready to try it, do NOT attempt it during round one. You both need to cum first. Perhaps a bit of 69...

This is important for a couple reasons. Number one, if this is attempt number one, the guy is going to be pretty damn excited. Make him cum first, so that he won't be quite so randy. Guys, you need to make your lady cum before you attempt it so that she will be relaxed.

Guys, you have to be very careful, because if you go about this wrong, if you rush it, you probably will not get a second shot at it.

So....have the lube handy.....

....and begin to pleasure your girl orally.

Make her frikkin nuts, but try not to let her cum yet.

Begin applying the lube while you are giving her kick ass oral. Keep her excited as you can. MULTI-TASK boys! MULTI-TASK!!!!!!

Gently apply lube to the outside, and then slowly, while still going down on her, ease a finger inside. Do NOT stop with the oral. Seriously, GO TO TOWN. Ease your finger out, apply more lube, repeat. You need to slowwwwwly begin to move your finger in and out. Get her used to the feeling. When you think she can handle it, try to add a second finger.

Girls, if it hurts, tell him to use more lube or go slower. If it starts feeling really good, you need to communicate that too. As with most things sexual, communication is the key.

When she is sufficiently lubed up, make her cum hard. BANG.

I do NOT recommend "Anal Missionary" for the first attempt. The girl has no control over depth in that position. Not a good idea for the initial try. Either try doggie, or if she is feeling brave, her on top.

So once you are ready....have I mentioned that lube is EXTREMELY important? ;)

Fellas, if you do not use enough lube, you could injure your girl. By now, she should already have some lube inside her from your fingers. Pour plenty on your target (hehehe) and lots of it on your cock. You cannot use too much. Keep it handy in case you need more in a bit.

There's two big keys to having successful anal -- lots of good lube, and keeping the girl excited.

If your girl responds well to dirty talk, lay it on thick. Tell her how excited you are, how hot her ass is, whatever she will respond best too. While you are talking to her, you need to keep rubbing her clit. You have to keep her going!

When you are ready to enter her, GO SLOW.

Pause often. Allow her body to adjust. Don't go more than an inch at a time. Take it easy, or you will hurt her. Add more lube if you need it. Don't stop with the dirty talk. Rub her clit or pinch her nipples, whatever will keep her excited while her body adjusts.

It's best if you can go in an inch, and after her body adjusts, pull out a bit, and then push forward another inch. Whatever you do, do NOT take a big thrust. NO NO NO!!!!!!! She'll kick you in the balls if you do.

Take your time. Don't stop with the dirty talk and working on keeping her excited.

Keep working in and out, and eventually, she should be able to take all of you inside her.

Guys, do not stop using you hands, fingers, lips, tongue or the naughty talk.

Make sure she is ready when you begin easing in and out of her. Add more lube again if you need it. Pay attention to her signals. If she seems in pain, hold yourself still and keep exciting her. First time anal is NOT like a porn movie. Do NOT slam inside.

Girlies, if you are in doggie, you can control depth to a point. Make your man be still, and try moving your hips and see how it feels. Experiment, find the best angle for you. If you are on top, you can totally control depth and speed.

(...and girls....isn't it always fun to be on top anyway? *grin*)

*very wicked grin*

Have fun Flowers.....and tell me all about it afterwards...