I make your mouth WHAT?!?!?!

Ohhh Flowers. I have been meaning to tell you about a conversation I had with Muscles for ages. Are you ready for this? Brace yourselves....lol....

Blondage: *says something silly and a little pervy*

Muscles: God that turns me on.

Blondage: *laughs*

Muscles: You make my mouth lactate.

Blondage: *shriek* I WHAT?!?!??!?!

Muscles: You know....you make my mouth lactate. Water.

Blondage: Were you trying to say SALIVATE?????

Muscles: Lactate, salivate, same difference. Both have an 'ate'.

Blondage: Errrr.....No. No it's really not the same.

I wish I could say I was kidding about that. He also once said to me "I won't to lick it". I assume he mean "want", but with him, ya never know. :)

* * * * *

Lawwwwd have mercy.... If I could have any singing voice in the world, I would want to sing like Eva Cassidy. Can I get an Amen?

That music........ That song..... Good gawd does it ever turn me on.

I soooooooo need to get laid.

'N and 'Out of Sync, or, how-I-lost-my-orgasm-last-night

Scene: bedroom in the house of Blondage

Blondage: Sex please.

Other Half: *leaps out of bed and runs to the bathroom in a Tasmanian Devil type blur*

Blondage: *waits patiently*

Other Half: *returns, having freshly brushed teeth because Blondage won't kiss him otherwise because he started smoking again*

Blondage: *laughs as Other Half strikes some truly ridiculous muscle-man type poses*

Other Half: I know. *flexes* You want my body.

Blondage: *giggles, takes flying leap off the bed and tackles Other Half*

....but then, everything we try goes wrong....

Blondage: Ouch!

Other Half: Sorry, I forgot I have a hangnail.

Blondage: *whimper*

Other Half: I'll kiss it and make it feel better.

Blondage: *sighs*

Other Half: *kiss kiss kiss, lick lick lick*

Blondage: My feet are falling asleep from this angle (deleted embarassing nickname).

Other Half: *bends Blondage a different direction*

Blondage: *accidentally kicks Other Half in the head*

Other Half: *yelps*

Blondage: *apologizes, tries not to laugh*

Other Half: My turn. *stretches out on his back.

Blondage: *kisses the place she kicked and hangs around up there*

Other Half: *growls and tries to push Blondage down his body*

Blondage: *screams as Other Half pushes on her messed up left rotater cuff*

Other Half: This is getting ridiculous.

Blondage: *whimpers*

Other Half: *pushes Blondage (gently) on to her back*

Blondage: *flinches a bit upon entry because of the earlier hangnail mishap*

Other Half: *sighs*

Blondage: Just stay still for a second.

Other Half: *plays with Blondage's clit and makes her very happy again*

Blondage: *starts moving around a bit, moaning*

Other Half: *begins to make sweet-love-down-by-the-fire to Blondage*

Blondage: I'm close (deleted embarassing nickname).

Other Half: *pulls out*

Blondage: (expletive deleted)

Other Half: I don't want to cum yet.

Blondage: *growls and complains about losing her orgasm*

Other Half: *accidently yanks half of Blondage's hair out when he shifts his weight*

Blondage: *screams*

Other Half: Aw hell.

Blondage: *punches Other Half*

Other Half: *tries to recapture the mood*

Blondage: *still whimpering a bit from pain shooting through various parts of her body*

Other Half: *gets excited again, and BAM! Cums.*

Blondage: *growls* You soooooooo owe me.

Have you ever sent nekkid pictures of yourself to the wrong email address?

Yeah, me too.

I attract very strange men.

LL said that to me a few minutes ago. She totally nailed me. ;)

Sooooo......

Muscles knew I was working last Saturday. He called and asked if he could stop by for a moment. I said ok, 'cause I'm....like....blonde?

Annnnnnd.....

He uh....showed up with Valentine's Day presents.

He can be such a sweet man, and Flowers, I was very tickled that he thought of me, but I am also a wee bit confused.

He gave me socks and porn.

::Que confused facial expression::

Mmmmmmm......fuzzzzzzy....


Mmmmmmm.......porrrrrrrrrn.....

Hmmm...what would be the right word to describe my reaction......floored? Flummoxed? Flustered? Flabbergasted?

(I heart F words)

I was soooo stunned. I totally squeaked, which he seemed to find hilarious.

Now that I have had a day to think about it, a couple things come to mind....

Am I supposed to wear the socks while I watch the movie? Should I feel weird that this gigantic hunk of a man just gave me a Porno? And is it some sort of turn on to him that I am going to watch and probably get off to something he gave me? Do the socks represent some sort of fetish? Now that I think about it, he does tend to stare at my toes.

Am I freaking out? I think I'm freaking out.

Wellll....freak-out aside......I'm still totally gonna watch the movie tonight, and I am currently flexing my toesies inside these wonderfully fuzzy socks....but....

Uhm.

Yeah.

I'm perplexed.

Yep, never living it down, it's official.

Omg....I got this call to go over to admin and pick up some flowers that hub sent me.

Attached, was this card.

So, the front says "Have a fun, funky, red hot, spunky..." and then you open it, and it says Valentines Day. It plays a song by the very band that the wacky bass player is in....and get THIS.

It is signed:

"You smelled great. Sniff sniff!"

Damn acccountants.

LMAO

And just when I think I have heard it all....

The place I work at is pretty frikking awesome. I can't really go in to details, but I'll say it's fun, and my co-workers are all kinda crazy.

Last Saturday, we had our big Gala. It was a disco theme party with almost 700 people dressed in afros, roller skates and wild outfits. Seriously wild outfits.

I basically looked like a hooker. A board member asked me if I had any "blow". I am NOT KIDDING!

*snort*

(maybe I should have left out the 'snort') ;)

I wore red sequins this blonde wig that went down to my ass. Here's a bit of a peek.

Heh. My black nail polish matched my black lingerie....

;)

Soooo.

This famous "disco" band performed. It's probably one of the most popular of the era. I know they won some grammys....and honestly, I knew every single song they performed. I wish I could tell ya who it was....but I shouldn't go there. :)

After the gala, me and Cougar and several other co-workers were doing shots and raisin' alllllllll kinds of hell, when the bass player from the disco band found us.

If you've been reading me for a while, you are aware that when I get smashed, I tend to tell people waaaaaay too much about my little kinks. Click here for a classic example of the type of trouble I get myself in to...

The Gala night was, of course, no exception.

The bass player dude hears the talk of spanking, and focuses on me like a heat seeking missile.

At first, he was kinda teasing me about taking me to his room to spank me.

Now, keep in mind, the President of our company is sitting right next to me, hearing ALL of this. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

The bass player dude keeps trying to talk me in to some major naughtiness, and won't let it go.

Bass player dude: Well, if you won't let me spank you, just let me sniff you.

Blondage: *blink* Huh?

Bass player dude: Just let me sniff you baby.

Blondage: Uhm....no.

Bass player dude: I don't have to penetrate. I'll just sniff you baby.

Blondage: Duuuuude......

Bass player dude: I promise, no penetration baby.

Blondage: Stop calling me 'baby'.

Bass player dude: Come on, let me sniff you.

I finally got MAD, and started screaming about being married.

At this point, hotel security comes out due to a noise complaint and asks us all to leave. Bass player dude gets in a FIGHT with the hotel concierge, and the rest of us basically run inside and head up to a suite. We stayed up there partying, literally, all night.

.....and my damn co-workers kept teasing the hell out of me the whole time about the dude with the sniffing fetish....

Yet another thing I don't see myself living down anytime soon. Oy. ;)

OMG!!!!

Now...

I have to say....

It is possible that I found this hysterically funny because I knowingly mixed a margarita with a muscle relaxer......(shoulder is very effed up again - damn you Wee General!)........

But when the Mariachi band at the Tex-Mex restaurant I was just at started playing "Hava Na Gilla" (sp?)...

I could not.

Stop.

Laughing.