'N and 'Out of Sync, or, how-I-lost-my-orgasm-last-night
Scene: bedroom in the house of Blondage, late last night Labels: Weird shit happens to me
Blondage: Sex please.
Other Half: *leaps out of bed and runs to the bathroom in a Tasmanian Devil type blur*
Blondage: *waits patiently*
Other Half: *returns, having freshly brushed teeth because Blondage won't kiss him otherwise because he started smoking again*
Blondage: *laughs as Other Half strikes some truly ridiculous muscle-man type poses*
Other Half: I know. *flexes* You want my body.
Blondage: *giggles, takes flying leap off the bed and tackles Other Half*
....but then, everything we try goes wrong....
Blondage: Ouch!
Other Half: Sorry, I forgot I have a hangnail.
Blondage: *whimper*
Other Half: I'll kiss it and make it feel better.
Blondage: *sighs*
Other Half: *kiss kiss kiss, lick lick lick*
Blondage: My feet are falling asleep from this angle (deleted embarassing nickname).
Other Half: *bends Blondage a different direction*
Blondage: *accidentally kicks Other Half in the head*
Other Half: *yelps*
Blondage: *apologizes, tries not to laugh*
Other Half: My turn. *stretches out on his back.
Blondage: *kisses the place she kicked and hangs around up there*
Other Half: *growls and tries to push Blondage down his body*
Blondage: *screams as Other Half pushes on her messed up left rotater cuff*
Other Half: This is getting ridiculous.
Blondage: *whimpers*
Other Half: *pushes Blondage (gently) on to her back*
Blondage: *flinches a bit upon entry because of the earlier hangnail mishap*
Other Half: *sighs*
Blondage: Just stay still for a second.
Other Half: *plays with Blondage's clit and makes her very happy again*
Blondage: *starts moving around a bit, moaning*
Other Half: *begins to make sweet-love-down-by-the-fire to Blondage*
Blondage: I'm close (deleted embarassing nickname).
Other Half: *pulls out*
Blondage: (expletive deleted)
Other Half: I don't want to cum yet.
Blondage: *growls and complains about losing her orgasm*
Other Half: *accidently yanks half of Blondage's hair out when he shifts his weight*
Blondage: *screams*
Other Half: Aw hell.
Blondage: *punches Other Half*
Other Half: *tries to recapture the mood*
Blondage: *still whimpering a bit from pain shooting through various parts of her body*
Other Half: *gets excited again, and BAM! Cums.*
Blondage: *growls* You soooooooo owe me.
Reality!
That woman is HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWT! Wooooooo. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * And don't get me start on my favorite Ghost Hunter Jason. What is it about me and bald men on reality shows? And why am I so hooked on these damn shows in the first place?!?! Don't even get me started on Project Runway or The Biggest Loser or Deadliest Catch or hell, even Survivor! Why why why do I ALWAYS get sucked in!!!!! Maybe it's the drugs. I blame everything on the drugs these days. *grin* Labels: Random stupidity
Ok, I'm happy again. Stop with the emails.
*grin*
I heart you guys.
* * * * *
Do any of you watch Dancing with the stars? Hub and I share an infactuation with Edyta.....omg.
I've decided I officially hate American Idol. That show is DEAD to me. Yawn.I am definitely stuck on Top Chef. It's not just the food. I want Tom Collichio BAD.
Should I demand a recount?
Got some less than desireable test results today. Labels: Damn fertility drugs
My bloodwork showed that I did not ovulate. Hell, I barely even registered on the damn test. My progesterone level should have been around 15.0. It was 0.05.
Shit.
Hub has been wonderful. Sometimes, I think about what a good man he is, and I just about lose it. He's trying so hard to help me get through the roller coaster ride.
But damn, I'm struggling.
It's been eight months since we started this latest round of the fertility clinic tango.
I'm.....trying to hang tough, but....
Damn.
I'm tired.
Tagged!
I got tagged for the coolest meme ever, by one of my alltime favorite bloggers, Tesco. Labels: fracking memes
1. Choose 19 of the songs you like best, regardless of artist or genre.
2. Put them all together in a CD.
3. Make 5 other copies.
4. Post your playlist on your blog.
5. Choose 5 people and send them a copy of your CD each. Send the first copy you made to the one who tagged you.
My list is totally all over the place, and doesn't really make much sense.... Just like ME. LOL
1. Let the drummer kick -- Citizen Cope
2.Baby did a bad bad thing -- Chris Isaak
3. True faith -- New Order
4. Stiff kittens -- Blaqk Audio
5. Under the milky way -- The Church
6. Desire (come and get it) -- Gene Loves Jezebel
7. Into the Open -- Heartless Bastards
8. Don't change -- INXS
9. Anything, anything -- Dramarama cover by Lucky Boys Confusion
10. Pink Champagne -- Max X
11. Swing -- Savage
12. The whole of the moon -- The Waterboys
13. Join in the chant -- Nitzer Ebb
14. Goodbye horses -- Psych
15. Dakota -- Stereophonics
16. Space age love song -- A Flock of Seagulls
17. Life is beautiful -- Sixx:AM
18. The promise -- When in Rome
19. Crowds -- Bauhaus
Honorable mentions....
Fake plastic trees -- Radiohead
Hey -- Pixies
Daydreamin' -- Lupe Fiasco and Jill Scott
Yellow -- Coldplay
Believe -- The Bravery
Guardian Angel -- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Under Pressure -- Queen
Just got wicked - Cold
Warm Leatherette -- The Normal
Headhunter -- Front 242
Almost Easy -- Avenged Sevenfold
Mondo Bondo -- Joe Strummer
The Chauffer -- Duran Duran song, covered by Deftones
Bodies -- Drowning Pool
Mmmmm....could go on and on and on....LOL
I'm gonna tag......
Doc in the Box
Jason
LL
MJ
and my beloved Stealth
Oh how he makes me laugh...
We were supposed to start trying to knock me up two nights ago. Our work schedules interfered, and we were not able to have wild monkey luv until last night. Labels: Damn fertility drugs
Because of all the work hours I have put in lately, I am pretty punch drunk. When I get punch drunk, I catch the giggles. Usually they come out at the most innapropriate times, like say, last night, when hub was kissing my neck and had his fingers inside me. Errrr.....oopsie. :)
He was mildly annoyed, but managed to focus me back on him with some hard bites on my neck.
Speaking of which.....I should probably look in the mirror to make sure he didn't leave any evidence of our rough playing. LOL!
Thanks to him taking the reigns firmly in hand, we went from battling my giggle fit to extremely hot, extremely intense sex. Ahhhhh....bliss....
Afterwards, we were both laying there exhausted, and he got me laughing again so hard I couldn't stop.
Me: Mmmmmmm.
Him: Mmmmmmmm.
Me: I can't move.
Him: *stretches and rolls over* I put my deposit in the bank. I'm outta here. *fake snore*
Me: *bursts in to laughter*
30 or so seconds pass.....
Me: OMG! I can feel my laughing push your 'deposit' out of the 'bank'.
Him: That was me making a withdrawel.
I think I laughed for at least 30 minutes straight until he finally went grouchy on me.
Something tells me we did NOT make a baby last night.
:)
Please?
I am soooooooo in the mood for some heavy duty bondage play.... Labels: D/s
My "My Space Friends" just don't "get" me
Flying around the pervier side of the blogosphere as long as I have has definitely made a major impact on how I communicate with people. Labels: my space, Random stupidity
It's made me very "open", in an electronic sense. Desensitized or something. Maybe even TOO friendly.
The way I am serves me quite well over in THIS little world, but over in the My Space world? Errrr. Not so much.
High School friends find me over on My Space all the time. As is my habit, I talk to them the same as I talk to people here on the blog.... Open, friendly, mildly flirtatious, but with no bad intentions....
And they freak on me!
Or something similar to freaking, anyway.
Whatever. I dunno. It's weird.
Soooo.
I feel like addressing my annoying My Space high school friends, despite the fact that you (well, with two exceptions I can think of) will probably never see this....but hey, it'll make me feel better to give you a verbal flip-off.....
Understand me or don't understand me, I care not.
If you want to remember me as the shy little flower I was in the frikking EIGHTIES, rather than get to know me as I am today (which is a HELL of a lot more interesting, in my opinion), fine. Whatever floats your proverbial boat.
But.
I bet you a million dollars I enjoy my life a hell of a lot more than you enjoy yours, you buncha auld farts!
*rips off her clothes and scampers off laughing*
Tom Cruise! Use your witchcraft to put the invisible fire out in my pants!
I am in the middle of my first wave of fertility treatments since that little pain incident sent me to the hospital back in February. I was scared I'd be in that same hideous pain this time, but really, I am just INSANELY HORNY. Damn, that's some ugly ass tile on that floor, isn't it? And yes, it HURTS, because it gets twisted all around. Just....ugh. Ahhhhh.....the joys of the fertility clinic tango. But.....if it works......I will be a verrrrrry happy Blondage..... xoxoxo Labels: Damn fertility drugs
Oh. Mah. God.
I naturally have a high libido, but right now??? HOLY SHIT! I need it so bad my body shakes! Sex sex sex sex sex. All I think about it sex. Sex sex SEX!!!! SEEEEEEEEX! *whimper*
(Ok, so I DO tend to be like that under normal circumstances....but it's WORSE right now!!!!)
While we're on the fertility subject, I have a few pics I have been meaning to share.
Yes, my pretty pretty Flowers, that is my foot in a stirrup at my fertility doc's office. And yes, I was nekkid under that paper sheet thing. Oy.
And THAT, my dearies, is a torture device used for "internal ultrasounds". See the gadget sticking out of the keyboard machine thingy that resembles an electric toothbrush??? That scary thing is used to poke around inside and look at your ovaries, uterus, etc.
First impressions
Last weekend, we met my family at the farm in East Texas. My cousin Kay is a lesbian, and she took her wife Jan and their two kids up there for the weekend. They all just moved to Texas from Colorado, and I haven't spent quality time with Kay in like...15 years, and I'd never really met her family.
So.
We start hanging out, and me and the Lezzie wife totally hit it off. We had a total blast together, and I wound up taking her and the two kids off on our fourwheelers and driving them up and down a field through massive mud puddles. It was insanely fun.
Jan's little boy says to her "Mom, that Blondage sure is fun. I can't believe she likes to get all muddy. She seems like she'd rather read a book!"
Jan's little girl says to her, "Mom, I can't believe Blondage works at a concert venue. She seems like she'd work at a bank!".
Jan tells my cousin Kay, "I can't believe how cool Blondage is. She's in to bondage, and she likes chicks??!?!".
The point?
Looks can be deceiving.
I use my persona to my advantage.
And it's the "quieter" ones who tend to be full of surprises.
This is the dirtiest I have ever been in my life...
Good god that was fun. :)
Yes, that used to be a white t-shirt, and no, I do not have freckles.
VROOM VROOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!
I'm surrounded!
Hmmm....Flowers, I have a question.
Do you suppose that, being as pervy as I am, I am able to sense out fellow pervs easier than most? That I sort of gravitate to them some how? Or are other pervs just sort of naturally gravitating to ME?
Because.....DUDE!
I am TOTALLY SURROUNDED RIGHT NOW!!!!
Not that I'm complaining, mind you.
*wink*
But.....DAMN!!!!!
Oh the humanity
Oh Flowers.
Something tragic has happened!
My favorite vibrator, the best one I have ever, EVER had, has perished.
*sob*
I knew him well enough to feel the changes, subtle though they may have been.
I knew this was coming...
And yet, when the he finally reached his pitiful end, I was still quite shocked.
Rest in peace, my soft gel, multi-speed, undulating love.
Easter makes me think of chocolate....
Mmmmm.
Men in trees...
My Prrrrrrrecious ring-ring-ringsssssssssss.........
Blondage's Mom: Your husband is up a tree.
Blondage: Literally or figuratively?
Blondage's Mom: Both. Totally. But right now, I mean he is literally up a tree. In the forest, up a tree. With his bow and arrows. In a tree. Like Robin Hood. Only without the tights.
Blondage: And you know this....how?
Blondage's Mom: I knew he was out at the farm alone, so I called his cell phone to see if he was having fun.
Blondage: Sooo....he's up a tree, with his bow and arrows, and a cell phone???
Blondage's Mom: He's a HIGH-TECH Robin Hood.
Blondage: I wonder if I could get him to wear tights for me....Mmmm....
Blondage's Mom: Daughter, there are some things I just don't want to know.
....those of you who are aware of what happened when my Mom found my old pervy blog and played my audio orgasm post will understand why I found that remark so hysterically funny....
Drama is my middle name...
Last Friday, I thought I was dying.
And no, I'm not kidding.
I was in the worst pain of my life.
My Mother's ovaries ruptured when she was just a couple years older than I am now, and I was pretty damn sure it had happened to me.
I wound up in the E.R. Friday afternoon, and spent the weekend on so many drugs I barely knew who I was. I'm better now. I'm gonna be ok eventually. I'm still not well, but I'll be alright.
Mmmmm......I can feel my pain pill kicking in......mmmmm.....
Vicodan = bliss.
I see how people get addicted to this stuff.
Mmmmmmm.....I can't feel my toesies.
God this vicodan rules. My body is tingling.
I really, really want to fuck right now.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall...
Muscles: *laughing* I luuuuuuuuuuv you. Labels: Muscles
Blondage: *snort* You just like the fact that I assume everything you say is intentionally filthy.
Muscles: Yessssssss. Talking to you is like talking to myself! Well, myself with bigger boobs.
Blondage: Soooo, if we follow this we're-the-same-person thought to it's logical conclusion....you dig me because you're in luuuuuuuuuuv with yourself.
Muscles: Uhm, helllllo. Why do you think I put that mirror on my ceiling?
Blondage: .....
I swear, he was cute when I fucked him.
Ever since I wrote that post about my lousy first taste of anal sex, I have been thinking about The Jackass I lost my virginity to.
I remember that night surprisingly well.
One of my best friends from high school was dating this guy at the college I was about to attend in the fall as a Freshman. Tina and I went up to visit the bf. She went off to hook up with the bf, and I was left with....oh....we'll call him Wally. Yes, Wally. That is close enough.
So....I got left with Wally. I was 18, a bit tipsy, and DYING to experiment.
Tina and her bf were upstairs, and we were downstairs on this....was it a futon? Oh god.....I think I DID lose my V on a futon....
Soooooooo.......we make out....and make out.....and damn if the man didn't drive me half nuts. My somewhat foggy brain said to me, "Blondage, he is four years older than you. He is the best kisser of your life. He is the PERFECT man to lose your virginity to.".
So.....I went for it.
I remember him kissing down my body, and putting me in to an absolute panic. For some reason, oral sex TERRIFIED me at the time. I wanted to try giving a blow job for the first time, but I was scared to death of him going down on me! I remember wigging out and trying to pull him back up my body. Some how, he managed to calm me down and talk me in to allowing him to taste me.
It was.....ok, I guess.
I was really too freaked to get much out of it.
He worked his way back up my body, and began kissing me again. Ohhhhhh god.....did I mention that man could KISS??!?!?
When he finally entered me, I was soooo ready. I only remember a tiny bit of pain.
I didn't orgasm. I NEVER orgasmed with him. Not ONCE over TWO YEARS.
But I liked it.
Liked it enough to want to do it some more. ;)
We developed this totally bizarre relationship. I think I will skip over that part. He didn't treat me well at all, and that's really all I feel like saying. When we finally broke up for good, I left that college just to get away from him.
Fast forward to today.
I recently reconnected with one of my very best friends from college. I'll call him.....Dan. Yes, Dan is close enough.
And no, I never screwed him.
We were great, great friends. Dan was the roommate of Wally The Jackass. Dan was always sooooo good to me, such a great friend, sticking up for me, always on my side....
Dan, Wally The Jackass and their little circle had been friends since they were in grade school.. Their little group of guys is still friends to this day.
Got it?
So.
Tonight, I spoke to Dan on the phone for the first time in a couple years. We chattered on like magpies for almost three hours. It. Was. Awesome.
I knew going in to the conversation that there was NO WAY IN HELL I was gonna ask about Wally, even though I was insanely curious.
After a while, Dan tells me he and all of his old high school pals I knew from college all met up for a "Guy's Weekend" a couple months ago. He began telling me what this one was up to and what that one was up to, blah blah blah. I was beginning to think Wally wasn't there, when Dan slips Wally's name in to the conversation.
Dan: And I know you won't ask, but Wally is just as big of a jackass as he ever was.
Blondage: ...........
Dan: Remember how he always HAD to be the center of attention? And how he always HAD to be in control? Mister life of the party?
Blondage: Oh. God. Uhm. Yes, just thinking about that is making me cringe.
Dan: The only thing that has changed is his hair line.
Blondage: *snort* Please, oh please tell me he looks like crap.
Dan: Oh god yes. He looks terrible. We spent the whole time laughing our asses off at him, how he was trying to re-assume his role as the ringleader. He was clueless that we spent the whole time making fun of him.
Dan sent me PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE from the guy's weekend, and ohhhhhhhhh my god.....Dan is RIGHT.
Wally. Looks. Horrible.
And that, my pretty pretty Flowers, has me feeling very good indeed.
I would LOVE to blast his picture here and show you guys the asshat who took my virginity and tortured me for two years....but I shall resist.
My head is swimming with memories, some good, some bad......but I will be going to bed with a very content smile on my face. He's a jerk, and the fact that we didn't marry each other is a total blessing.
I dodged a very pudgy, wrinkly, hairless bullet.
Have you ever sent nekkid pictures of yourself to the wrong email address?
Yeah, me too. Labels: Weird shit happens to me
I attract very strange men.
LL said that to me a few minutes ago. She totally nailed me. ;) (I heart F words) I was soooo stunned. I totally squeaked, which he seemed to find hilarious. Now that I have had a day to think about it, a couple things come to mind.... Am I supposed to wear the socks while I watch the movie? Should I feel weird that this gigantic hunk of a man just gave me a Porno? And is it some sort of turn on to him that I am going to watch and probably get off to something he gave me? Do the socks represent some sort of fetish? Now that I think about it, he does tend to stare at my toes. Am I freaking out? I think I'm freaking out. Wellll....freak-out aside......I'm still totally gonna watch the movie tonight, and I am currently flexing my toesies inside these wonderfully fuzzy socks....but.... I'm perplexed. Labels: Muscles, Weird shit happens to me
Sooooo......
Muscles knew I was working last Saturday. He called and asked if he could stop by for a moment. I said ok, 'cause I'm....like....blonde?
Annnnnnd.....
He uh....showed up with Valentine's Day presents.
He can be such a sweet man, and Flowers, I was very tickled that he thought of me, but I am also a wee bit confused.
He gave me socks and porn.
::Que confused facial expression::
Mmmmmmm......fuzzzzzzy....
Mmmmmmm.......porrrrrrrrrn.....
Hmmm...what would be the right word to describe my reaction......floored? Flummoxed? Flustered? Flabbergasted?
Uhm.
Yeah.
Yep, never living it down, it's official.
Omg....I got this call to go over to admin and pick up some flowers that hub sent me. Labels: Weird shit happens to me
Attached, was this card.
So, the front says "Have a fun, funky, red hot, spunky..." and then you open it, and it says Valentines Day. It plays a song by the very band that the wacky bass player is in....and get THIS.
It is signed:
"You smelled great. Sniff sniff!"
Damn acccountants.
LMAO
And just when I think I have heard it all....
The place I work at is pretty frikking awesome. I can't really go in to details, but I'll say it's fun, and my co-workers are all kinda crazy. Heh. My black nail polish matched my black lingerie.... The bass player dude hears the talk of spanking, and focuses on me like a heat seeking missile. .....and my damn co-workers kept teasing the hell out of me the whole time about the dude with the sniffing fetish.... Yet another thing I don't see myself living down anytime soon. Oy. ;) Labels: Weird shit happens to me
Last Saturday, we had our big Gala. It was a disco theme party with almost 700 people dressed in afros, roller skates and wild outfits. Seriously wild outfits.
I basically looked like a hooker. A board member asked me if I had any "blow". I am NOT KIDDING!
*snort*
(maybe I should have left out the 'snort') ;)
I wore red sequins this blonde wig that went down to my ass. Here's a bit of a peek.
;)
Soooo.
This famous "disco" band performed. It's probably one of the most popular of the era. I know they won some grammys....and honestly, I knew every single song they performed. I wish I could tell ya who it was....but I shouldn't go there. :)
After the gala, me and Cougar and several other co-workers were doing shots and raisin' alllllllll kinds of hell, when the bass player from the disco band found us.
If you've been reading me for a while, you are aware that when I get smashed, I tend to tell people waaaaaay too much about my little kinks. Click here for a classic example of the type of trouble I get myself in to...
The Gala night was, of course, no exception.
At first, he was kinda teasing me about taking me to his room to spank me.
Now, keep in mind, the President of our company is sitting right next to me, hearing ALL of this. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
The bass player dude keeps trying to talk me in to some major naughtiness, and won't let it go.
Bass player dude: Well, if you won't let me spank you, just let me sniff you.
Blondage: *blink* Huh?
Bass player dude: Just let me sniff you baby.
Blondage: Uhm....no.
Bass player dude: I don't have to penetrate. I'll just sniff you baby.
Blondage: Duuuuude......
Bass player dude: I promise, no penetration baby.
Blondage: Stop calling me 'baby'.
Bass player dude: Come on, let me sniff you.
I finally got MAD, and started screaming about being married.
At this point, hotel security comes out due to a noise complaint and asks us all to leave. Bass player dude gets in a FIGHT with the hotel concierge, and the rest of us basically run inside and head up to a suite. We stayed up there partying, literally, all night.
A cock whuppin'!
I don't know how in the hell to write what she did so that you fully grasp the hilarity that ensued. Picture us sitting in her vehicle in the parking lot, about to get out of the car. She asks me the question about him spanking me with his cock, and while I am shrieking and gasping for breath, she starts making these....hand gestures. Actually, it was more like a full body gesture. She had her hands waaaaaaaay out in front of her, pretended to hold an extremely long cock with both hands, and started making these frantic, jerky "whipping" gestures. We're talking FULL BODY MOTION too!!!! Cougar: I'm gonna SPANK you with it!!!! *whip whip whip whip* Blondage: OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *screeeeeeeaming* Labels: D/s, Let's talk about anal, My First Dom
As I type this post, my eyes are absolutely on fire because I have been laughing so hard that all of my mascara has run in to my poor eyes.
*verrrry impish grin*
If you've checked out the "update" on the previous post about anal sex, you may have realized that uh.....I totally got busted. *grin* I gave My First Dom (I suppose I will start calling him MFD here) my blog addy a long time ago. I guess I just assumed he'd kinda forgetten about it. WRONG! He read my glowing little review of his "anal prowess". Direct quote from the email I received, "I think I just made the blog.....". HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Uhm, yes, yes you did Sir!!! LMAO! Dare I mention that was not the first time? Nawwwww.... Flowers, we'll just keep that "our little secret", k? ;)
Today on the way back from lunch, Cougar and I discussed the anal post, and I was giggling about catching him off guard with it (and vice versa, 'cause when he emailed me, I was stunned! LOL).
Ohhhhh Flowers. I had another memory flash.
Of course, I immediately told The Coug.
Blondage: Ohhhhhmygawd. I just remembered something!
Cougar:?!?!?!?!?
Blondage: In one of our first phone conversations, before we ever met in person, we'd been talking about sex...
Cougar: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!???
Blondage: He said to me, in that low, calm voice of his, "I'm not a small man Blondage.". It was a reference to his cock. Talk about a mental orgasm!!!!! *purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*
Cougar: *shrieks and whoooooops* Was it long enough to spank you with it?
Now Flowers.
So I am dying....and she starts making the gestures, and then makes COMMENTS.
Blondage: *absolutely wrecked with laughter*
Cougar: *frantic cock whipping gestures* BEND OVER!
Blondage: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
Cougar: *whipping with every syllable for emphasis* NAUGH-TY GIRL! YOU NAUGH-TY NAUGH-TY GIRL!!! BENNNNNND OVER!!!!!!!!
Blondage: *shriek/sputter/HOWL*
Cougar: Take THAT! *whip-whip-whipping motion* NAUGH-TY GIRL! NAUGH-TY GIRRRRRRL!!!!
Can an appendix suddenly burst due to mass quantities of hysterical laughter? I swear to god, I am lucky to be alive.
*wink*
Happy Friday, my pretty pretty Flowers!
I'm feelin' naughty.
Let's talk about anal sex, shall we? Labels: D/s, Let's talk about anal, My First Dom
*wicked grin*
Anal has come up several times in random conversations I have had in the last week or so, and now, I can't seem to get it out of my mind. Wheeeeee!
So let's talk anal.
The first time I tried it I hated it. H-A-T-E-D it. I was in college. He was the jackass I lost my virginity to. He was four years older than me. My young, innocent little brain assumed older equaled sexual knowledge and/or experience. WRONG!!!!!!
In his favor, I should mention he had a really, really nice cock. I remember it being quite big, but keep in mind, it WAS the first one I'd ever played with. ;)
So, back to my first anal experience.
It was DREADFUL! Aaaaaaack!!!! He used ZERO lube, he went WAY too fast for my virgin ass, and he was just clueless! UGH!
Bad bad bad.
Soooo....I thought I would never in my life feel like going there again....
And I got older...
And I began to explore my "submissive" side...
And I read this damn book. *grin* I wish I could remember the name of it. I lost it years ago. It was about this submissive and her first Master, and how she eventually was expected to surrender her ass. :)
Well....
It was fucking HOT.
So I started fantasizing about being in that scenario...
And I met my first Dom.
*purrrrrrrrrrrrr*
I can't remember what I told him exactly -- whether I mentioned to him I had only had anal once or not....I may have just told him I loved it, loved the idea, or whatever....
That first weekend we spent together....jesus.
Things with him have gotten hazier than I would like in my mind, but I remember crystal clear the first time he took my ass. I was tied up, tied TO my futon, kneeling on the floor... He had been going at me with all kinds of fun things (floggers, paddles, everything but the kitchen sink)... My ass was on fire from all sorts of fun abuse. Ooomph. I was to that point where I was so turned on I would have said yes to any thing his wicked mind could conjure up. He was spanking me HARD, and fingering me periodically, making me frikking insane. He paused and hissed in my ear, "Now Blondage, your Master is going to take your ass." That calm, stern voice... That was 11 years ago, and I STILL shiver when I think about his words and the tone of his voice. He used lots of lube, and went verrrrrrrrrry slow....and ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyy goooooooooooooooooooood.
It. Was. Fantastic.
.....and an anal ehnthusiast, was born.
*wink*
My "anal submission" is not about just the pleasure I have learned how to get from the act itself. It's a combination of things -- the thrill of the forbidden, the feeling of being incredibly naughty and daring, the MENTAL aspect of it.... All sorts of different things pile on top of each other and the end result? The most incredibly astounding, full body vibrating, insanely intense orgasms ever.
*purr*
- - - UPDATE - - -
Omg.....I just got sooooooooooooo busted. *sheepish grin* Everyone wave hello to the handsome man in the corner with the really calm, stern voice......
*scampers off giggling*
Girl talk...
I was talking to my best friend at lunch today about how Muscles calls me all the time to check up on me, see how I am feeling or whatever, but my husband never does. Heck, I've started referring to Muscles as my WIFE. I'm not kidding! Labels: Damn fertility drugs, Muscles
Feeling as puny and pitiful as I have on the meds....and on top of that, feeling neglected at home......well....uhm.....yeah, I'm sure you can use your imagination how I feel about that.
Me: I don't need him to crawl up my ass everyday, but....
Cougar: Definitely not.
Me: *dramatic pause* Just the tip. I just need the tip. *wink*
Heh. I love making her laugh.
;)
...lost my damn mind, but not my sense of humor...
PS
There's a sex related post next one down, for you masturbating lurkers.
Face down.
Panties ripped away. Dying for it. Please god, make him touch me. *yelp* Mmmmm... Fuck yes. *whimper* Harder baby. Face down on the bed. Helpless. Vulnerable. Use me. I NEED to submit. Anything....anything you want. Take it. Labels: D/s, Trolling for spankings
Tiny nightie, pushed up past my hips.
Waiting for it.
His hand clutches my shoulder.
Mmmm....yes. Leverage.
Yes, that's how I want it.
Overpower me.
Please?
Oh FINE! Ya WENCH! LOL!
The Loopy Libertarian tagged me with a fracking MeMe. Labels: fracking memes
Seeing as how I think she might deck me if I don't comply (she can be rather tough, despite that gooey marshmallow center), so I suppose I'd better get to it.
The rules are:
* link to the person who tagged you
* post the rules on your blog
* share six non-important things/ habits/ quirks about yourself
* tag at least 3 people at the end of the post and link to their blogs
* let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog
1. I'm shy. No one from the blogosphere ever believes me (might be because most of you have seen me naked) but I swear it's true!
2. If I type that I am laughing, giggling, blushing, shrieking, shaking, quivering, orgasming (did I say that one out loud?) etc.... I always really AM in r/l. I type exactly what I am doing/what I am feeling. It's to the point where I wish I could turn that quirk OFF. My "friends" on My Space.....well, I just don't think they "get" me at ALL! I know I scare people over there....Lol.....(and yes, I just really laughed out loud). Oh well. Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a fuck.
(well, ok....maybe I give a teensy weensy bit of a fuck. I am a cancer, after all....)
3. If I don't concentrate, two things happen when I open my mouth. My Texas accent pops out to say "Howdy", and I cuss like a truck-driver.
Side note -- one of my best friends worked for President Nixon (post White-house staff) and he compares my mouth to Tricky Dick's, who, apparently, had one hell of a potty-mouth on him. Heh.
4. Some people find me rather confusing. I am more aware of this reaction than they realize, and occasionally take great joy in purposely making them even MORE confused. I am far more "deliberate" in the things I say than people seem to understand.
5. I have a genius level IQ, but I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday.
6. I was once in love with more than one person at the same time. I never thought it was possible until it happened to me! :) Perhaps I was a polyamorist in a past life.
3 people to tag would be Stealth, ATTLG, and Just Some Dude.
Tipsy bloggin'
Labels: tipsy blogging, TWG
I'm cold. I need a blankie. Or a warm body to snuggle on. Mmmmhmmmm......a warm body... What is it about drinking wine that makes me crave the feel of skin on skin....? The Other Half calls it "Blondage Viagra". Heh. Clever boy.* * * *
Speaking of craving... A little birdy told me that someone I think is totally hot has a mad crush on me. Mmmmmmm... I heart tall.* * * *Haven't mentioned this lately, but the gorgeous next-door neighbors have launched a full frontal assault upon me. It's gone from subtle-come-hithering to near cave-man-bonk-me-on-the-head-and-drag-me-off-by-the-hair-esque. I think I should change their nicknames here from The Wee General and the Marquis de Sade to "Bait (TWG) and Switch (MdS, 'cause I seriously think he is a switch in BDSM terms)". I crack myself up.* * * * We watched the Simpsons movie tonight. If hub doesn't stop singing "Spider Pig", I may have to bonk HIM on the head. :)* * * *
.....conversation from last week...
Blondage's hot girlfriend: *laughing* I am such a slut!
Blondage: No, you are NOT a slut. You're 'sexually liberated'.
Blondage's hot girlfriend: Yeah, liberated in my ASS!
wheeeeeeeeeeee!I gotta go pounce now. *hiccup* xoxoxoxox
There's just something sooooo sexy.....
....about seeing my husband hold our infant niece.
Say my name bitch! SAY MY NAME!
It annoys me when a man I am intimate with does not say my name. Labels: Random bitching
I don't mind a nickname sometimes. Certain nicks can be rather stimulating.... ;)
But.
I GET OFF ON hearing my name on the lips of the person I am having or want to have sex with.
I NEED to hear them say it!
/mini-rant off
Happy Friday Flowers. xo
Please?
Labels: Trolling for spankings
Operation Valentine
My amazing friend Kat is working on another wonderful project for our troops. Please take a gander at this post about Operation Valentine if you're interested in sending our troops a little Valentine's Day luv. She does all the hard work. All you have to do is send her some unsealed cards! I hope you will consider participating. Labels: Support our troops
I heart you, my pretty pretty Flowers.
Sometimes....when I am angry and out of control....
A good Whupin' can right all the world's wrongs.... Labels: D/s, Damn fertility drugs, Trolling for spankings
I was soooooo angry today. Mad at almost everyone in my life. God knows why. Some frustrations were legitimate I suppose (quit trying to meet me, and quit falling in love with me you ninnies!)and some more on the irrational side (didn't like the way someone said goodbye, and I totally wigged).
It's weird, being on this fertility medicine. Some days, I feel completely balanced.... And then.... BAM! I wake up wanting to scream at various people in my life, or in some cases, bitchslap the fools. It's like a filter is missing....the patience filter perhaps. I dunno what it is.
But.....
I feel the slap of his hand on my bare skin.....
And I calm down.
No matter how out of control I feel, no matter how insane my drugs make me feel....
That sting....the stern voice, the firm hand....he centers me.
And I can cope.
That being said...I am warnin' ya, my pretty little Flowers.... Watch your asses, because in between spankings? I am hell on heels right now.
I don't expect any eggshell walking, but SHEESH!
Scene: Blondage's Aunt's house on New Year's day Labels: B.M., Damn fertility drugs
A large, happy family gathers around a beautifully set dining room table. The chatter turns to Blondage's precious one month old niece.
Blondage's Mother: We haven't seen the baby in almost a week. I am going through withdrawels.
Blondage: You're lucky. I haven't seen her in TWO weeks because of my trip up North to visit the In-laws.
Blondage's Mother: She's with her OTHER *said with a pouty frown* Grandparents today.
Blondage: *smiling* Well Mom, they have a right to see her too.
Blondage's Mother: *turns red in the face, and totally goes off* Well those people have lots of other Grandkids, and they are in their late 40's. I have ONE Grandchild, JUST ONE, and I am in my mid-60's! ALL of my friends had Grandchildren but ME! It took FOREVER for it to happen for me. I was beginning to think I'd NEVER be a Grandmother!
Blondage's Mother, henceforth known here as B.M., is, at first, oblivious to the silence that falls upon the table. Suddenly, she lets out a tiny gasp as realization dawns. She blinks at Blondage, and swiftly changes the subject to the frikking weather.
Seriously. The weather.
I don't expect people to walk on eggshells around me about my "issues", but sheesh. Mom could have punched me in the gut and it would have stung less. We've been trying for NINE YEARS to make that woman a Grandmother. I am on a ridiculous amount of drugs right now. I HAD SEX IN MY MOTHER IN LAW'S CREEPY HAUNTED HOUSE to try and make a baby. And she whines about being the last of her peers to have a grandchild, about how long it took for it to happen....?
Sweet hay-sus (yes, I spelled it that way on purpose), please don't ever allow me to be so self-absorbed that I become oblivious to feelings of the people I love.
/end rant
Update...
No ghosts so far. Is it weird that I am kinda disappointed? Labels: blog vacay, Damn fertility drugs
We managed to sneak in five minutes of sex one time. Other than that, we haven't been alone, and the walls are too frikking thin to do it at night. Seriously. This is a 150 year old house. THIN THIN THIN! So I don't think Sweetpea is gonna knock me up this month. Ya never know, but I don't have "that feeling".
I got a spanking in front of the in-laws. *giggling* Can't wait to write about that when I get back.
My gay brother in law introduced his boyfriend to the famly (his Mom, Stepdad, me and Sweetpea) for the first time. He only came out to Mom a month ago. This was a HUGE deal. Thank god I was there to talk to the poor guy, because the others all kinda clammed up! So I chattered on like a magpie. By the end of dinner, my throat was killing me!
OH! And my BITCHY BROTHER IN LAW CALLED ME A HICK!!!!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrowl!
He's just jealous because I got diamonds for Christmas and he didn't!
I've been able to read your comments via my email, but I am too scared to comment back yet because I don't want the naughty blog's url to show up in the in-laws history. I promise I'll reply when I get back home next week. I heart you, my pretty pretty Flowers.
I hope you all had a great Christmas. Happy New Year!
xoxoxoxoxo
Wheeeee!
A while back, I mentioned I am on lots and lots of fertility meds, right? Labels: Damn fertility drugs
Sooooo......
Tomorrow, we leave for my Yankee in-laws' house...
And next week.....is the week, per the calendar, we are supposed to try to get me knocked up.
*cringe*
How am I supposed to have SEX in my IN-LAWS' HOUSE in the guest room with NO DOOR and a damn GHOST watching me?!?!?!?
Not cool. Soooo not cool.
Pffftht!!
Well Flowers, I hate to tell ya this, but you probably won't be seeing any more updates here from my friend Single Grrrl. I begged you guys to give her more regular feedback, but I guess you were too busy masturbating (which, ok, I kinda understand, because damn her stories are hot).
Anyhoo!
* I * still get to hear about her latest adventures, but YOU DON'T!
* YOU * don't get to hear about the strap on, the new position she tried for anal, the multiple toe-curling orgasms, etc....
But I do I do I do!!!!!!!!
Pffffffftttttttthhhhhhhhht!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*impish grin*
Ok, so....
I took the previous post down.
Call it a site-meter panic-attack.
Someone from his town was on my blog, and I thought to myself, DAMN. If I were him, and he was airing some of MY dirty laundry on his secret blog, I'd be really hurt about it!
Sooooo......I took it down.
I really, really appreciate all of your comments. Sincerest thanks. I heart you, my pretty pretty Flowers.
P.S.
LustDemon.....I definitely am NOT interested in joining that harem.....
Well....maybe if the other chicks are hot.......
NO! Bad Blondage! Bad! *slaps own hand*
Sex and the Single Girl update!
Blondage says....oh my! Labels: guest post, Sex and the Single Girl
War Wounds
I have them everywhere from this weekend. Bruises on my legs and arms. A deep tissue bruise in the center of my back. My pinkie toe is sliced open. My pussy is raw.
How did all of that happen? Sit back and let me tell you the tale.
It started out with a simple phone conversation with the Husband. I've been trying to set up the 4way for sometime after the holidays. Also, I haven't seen or been with him in weeks and I missed him and his touch. So we got together in his office on Friday after work.
Mmmmmmm, he always leaves me sweaty and shaky. And in the throes of everything, I somehow banged my arm and leg on some office furniture. I also cut my toe open on this metal file something or another that was next to the little armless chair he has in there. I got rug burns from a chair next to his desk because I had my leg thrown up on it when I was bent over the desk and he was fucking me from behind.
I don't recall receiving any of these hurts. I just recall cumming very hard and moving all over the room. It was crazy. All needy and excited. Tugging on clothes, deep kisses. Sometimes, you have to let the animal out.
He invited me over to his house to meet his wife on Saturday night. I took him up on the offer. I've seen pictures of her and I've talked to her on the phone. She's very nice and funny and obviously cool because she let's me fuck her husband whenever I want. They took me to a bar to sing karaoke.
While in there, the tv screens were broadcasting the UFC fights. Amazing. I've watched them before, but Saturday, they had some great fighting. And bleeding. I was engrossed, but I still took time to socialize. I met a lot of the couple's friends and danced and sang. Then a man walked into the bar. He sat down close to where I was standing and dancing. "Tall, dark, and handsome" is very cliche, but perfect to describe this man. He was beautiful. But since I was with the couple and planned on staying the night with them, it was gauche to try to pick up someone else, don't you think?
I could feel his eyes on me almost the whole night and I ended up sitting next to him at the bar. He leaned over and asked, "So, you like the fight?" And he asked my name. Have you ever heard a Croatian speak? With that Eastern European accent, but not immediately identifiable? I asked where he was from and he said I probably didn't know it, but Croatia. I am familiar with the country and said so. He was surprised. His accent was incredible and it almost melted my panties right off of me. The wife was watching us and in the end, she invited him over to her home with a couple of other friends.
There is a fireplace and pool table in the couple's basement. They have speakers wired into the basement from their computer and great music was playing. We watched the men compete in pool and the wife said she thought her husband and the Croatian were playing for me. I found that funny and sexy at the same time. The Croatian threw the game. We watched him do it. He was sharking the table all night and completely blew a straight in shot. He knows how to be a polite guest. Can't beat a man on his own table....it's impolite.
He was a gentleman through and through. Opening doors, lighting my cigarette, hand on the small of my back when walking to the house. All those little things that European men do as a matter of every day interaction with women, but that American men rarely do anymore. It made me feel very feminine and at the center of his attention the whole time.
I snuggled up next to him, the Croatian, let's call him Mr. Stranger, on the couch in front of the fire. And he kissed me.
I melted.
He was a wonderful kisser. Soft and leaving me wanting more. I cupped my hand around the back of his neck and pulled him to me because I wanted to feel his lips again. We were putting on a show for the rest of the people around us. It was just the two of us in our own small bubble at that point. Before then, I had been sneaking off and kissing on the husband when I had the chance. If I caught him alone in the hallway, I'd wrap myself around him or kiss his neck. But when Mr. Stranger kissed me, all thoughts fled my brain but one. I had to have him.
The wife came over eventually to inform me of another room that had a futon. I dragged Mr. Stranger in there for privacy. But he was extremely conservative and wouldn't even remove his pants with people in the other room. So I popped into there and asked them all to go upstairs. I know, cheeky of me, considering it wasn't my house, but I was very worked up and a bit tipsy.
I finally got him naked. I kind of suspected this because of where he's from...he is uncut. And long. His skin was soft, his look very intense. And he did the most wonderful thing. Many times throughout the night, he would either hold my face or push my hair off my face and look me in the eyes and tell me how much he loved my eyes. Or how beautiful I was. Or he'd run his hands over my hips and say I was so sexy. It was not just once. All night and even the next morning when we were saying our good-byes, he told me all of that.
Men, learn a lesson here. You can never go wrong with telling a woman that. Or kissing her eyelids after saying that you are blown away by how gorgeous her eyes are. Or any of those tiny little things that make her feel special.
Wow.
I'm still reeling from the way he spoke and treated me.
Anyway, before we had sex on the futon, he asked if I had condoms. Since I wasn't expecting to sleep with a total stranger, no I did not. So wearing only a garter and black stockings, I ran upstairs where the couple was. Everyone else had left. I was holding my shirt in front of my breasts, but everything else was left completely exposed. I asked the wife if she had any. She has a whole boxful.
I grabbed one and went back downstairs.
He completely pounded me on that futon. And a bar across the middle of the seat was right in the center of my back and that's how I got the deep tissue bruise. I cannot sit back in my car seat or at work because it hurts so bad. It's swollen there too. But at that time, in the moment, it barely registered what was happening to my back because of what was happening between my legs.
He was a wonderful lover. At the end, he pulled off the condom and came on my stomach. And he brushed my hair back so he could "see my beautiful face" and I sucked his fingers into my mouth. They were covered in cum and he tasted so very nice.
We snuggled for a bit and then he asked if I had another condom. Oh my goodness. Quick recovery. I went upstairs to use the restroom and to seek out more rubbers. I guess the wife heard me in the bathroom and she snuck downstairs with the box of condoms and to lay out the bed in front of the fireplace. It was just the futon mattress and pillows and blankets. I went into the bedroom where the husband was in bed and I crawled under the covers with him. Still only wearing the garter and stockings and nothing else. Not even a shirt to cover my breasts. I kissed him for a while. And I apologized for not doing what we had planned. He kept saying it's ok because how often am I going to get the chance to sleep with a Croatian man?!? Eventually, I asked where the condoms were. He told me to turn on the light and we looked around. He was completely naked, standing there in front of the closet and I wanted to take him downstairs with me. But his wife came back and told me she had already set us up downstairs.
She was very cool about the fact that I was standing in her bedroom mostly naked and her husband was completely naked and we were digging through the drawers and cabinets. She just sent me along my way so she could go to bed. Showed me where the other firewood and restroom were and left me to my own devices.
I laid down on the floor with Mr. Stranger and we started kissing again and talking. I noticed that he had big love bites on his shoulders from me. I did not intend that at all but with everything going on, I guess I was biting and sucking harder than I thought. When I saw those, it dawned on me to perhaps ask if he was married. Thank goodness he wasn't. And then I asked if he had a girlfriend. He said he did, but she lived in Arizona and he liked her, but didn't love her and I guess she loves him. He's not too keen on that. He said in this wonderfully forlorn sounding voice that he's only been in love twice and both girls broke his heart. It was sweet and sad.
With the kissing and touching, he was hard again and he slipped on the condom. I was sore and lack of lubrication was a problem. I ran upstairs one more time to ask for latex friendly lube. I went back to bed and slathered some on me. He pulled me to him so I was spooned with my back against his front.
Then he took me anally.
I was surprised because he was very conservative in everything he did. When I tried to lick his balls, he was twitching and at first, I thought he liked it. But then he stopped me and said no. I asked why not. He couldn't come up with the word and then poked me in the ribs a couple of times and said it was like that. He was ticklish. I giggled and stopped what I was doing. I also tried to at least rub his ass a little with my fingers but he immediately reached out and stopped my hand from creeping closer to him. I got the hint.
So for him to press the head of his cock against my ass, I was taken by surprise. But I told him to go slowly and he did and then he fucked me hard that way, cumming in the condom and my ass.
It was close to 5:30 in the morning by then and I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. We snuggled up and slept for a couple of hours. I woke up and we tried one more time in the morning, but unfortunately, with the friction damage from the condoms on my pussy, I was having a difficult time of it all and we had to quit. We both got dressed, exchanged numbers, and thank our hosts profusely. He walked me to my car and was so very sweet in saying goodbye. Gentle kisses on my lips and eyes and telling me he'd like to see me again.
I had a wonderful weekend. Exhausting and my body is paying for it but it was worth it. Every bruise was worth it.
Blondage adds.....kinda reminds me of my honeymoon. *wicked grin*
Sex and the Single Girl update!!!!
Blondage says....mmmmmmm......update from my friend SG on her adventures!!!!
Well, this weekend was bad and good.
I guess I'll hit the bad part first. I was supposed to meet the Husband in his office on Friday. I was very excited and unfortunately, he had clients show up at the last minute. He stepped outside to call me and give me the news. I was very disappointed, but he was worried that I would give up on him permanently. I reassured him that he has a life and so do I and things come up. I wasn't going to stop seeing him just because he had actual work to do in his office!! So nothing on that front.
Then, I had set up a rendevouz with the man who has canceled twice and stood me up once for a total of 3 occasions. Hmmmm, what should we call him? Mr. No-Show. That's applicable. He's so very good looking. And sincere in a way. And one time he canceled because I was on my period. I wanted to meet him anyway and make out and maybe give him some oral but for some reason, he's hung up on this "perfect meet" thing, so he said no. How many men do you know would turn down a blowjob like that? I like giving oral and was disappointed that time. Anyway, we had this meet set up and due to circumstances beyond his control (and this one I completely understand), he couldn't make it. I figure the gods are trying to say something so I told him that it's probably best if we give up. I'm tired of being all turned on, looking forward to finally getting together with him only to be disappointed again. It's too much.
So I dug around in my dresser drawer and found some old toys that I don't play much with anymore. I watched a lot of porn this weekend and had way too many orgasms. That was the best I could do. Oh, I also came over the phone for a friend of mine who I've flirted with and I've wanted to meet, but his life situation (kids and work) prevents us from finding time to get together. One of these days, I will get my hands on him but until then, I just occasionally have an orgasm over the phone for him. He listens and strokes himself and I can hear him breath hard on the other end when he cums. It's a poor substitute for real sex though. Sad weekend.
But then Mr. Oral came back into town. Yippee!! I wasn't sure where things stood between us. He canceled on me and I wasn't ent
