But one of many reasons why I love her....

I can't even begin to tell you Flowers how blessed I am to have the Cougar in my life. She's such an extraordinary person. I am struggling to find the right words to explain. I think you just have to be lucky enough to meet her to understand.

I've had health problems the last 15-16 days. I'm getting better, but it's been rough.

The climax was last Sunday, when I wound up in the hospital. AGAIN. Ugh.

Well....

Cougar wound up taking me, and I have to say, if you ever have to go to the E.R., I hope you are lucky enough to have your own Cougar with you.

I think that was probably the sickest I have been in my whole life, and yet, she had me laughing so hard I thought I was gonna pop out my I.V. needle.

She kept me and my husband completely entertained, and distracted us both from the scary things that were happening.

I am going to share something with you that she wrote about that night.

Emergency Room Fun!


At some point most of us have escorted someone near and dear to us to the hospital emergency room. I'm an old pro at this – visiting for broken bones, heart ailments, mystery fevers etc. Anyone who has been to the emergency room knows this is not a fun place to be, and knows that entertaining themselves is key to survival. I have a list of games you might be interested in playing during your next visit! Let me know if you have any other fun games to play! Remember, this is the perfect opportunity to "entertain" your friend/family member. Nothing beats a captive audience!

The one legged race – Drive swiftly to the front doors of the hospital to drop the patient off before you park. Once the patient's leg is out the door, foot firmly on the ground, scream "PUT YOUR LEG BACK IN THE CAR! There's a door closer to the ER registry!" See how quickly the patient can re-enter the car. Points based on speed.

Tower of Terror (my personal favorite) – Wait until the patient is completely helpless, hooked to IV's and other equipment. Offer to get some warm blankets to make them more comfortable. IV fluids make you cold – can't have those lips quivering. Gently cover the patient, avoiding all points of entry (leads and needles) For added fun, cover the patient's entire head. OK, just for a second. Once the patient is comfortable, form a tubular tower resembling a penis at the patient's crotch area. The bigger the erection, the more points are awarded. Extra points for making the patient scream in horror.

Guess that function Emergency rooms are filled with many wondrous things. For example, there are many lights , and who knows what each one is for? All shapes and sizes! Tall, small, round, tubular, square…the list goes on and on. Points awarded for each correct guess. Please try not to blind yourself in the process of guessing. Points deducted for sniffing hands after handling the "snake light." Pea, I'm talking to you.

Name that ailment – a memory game Whenever the nurse or doctor asks you to leave the room, roam the halls looking lost. Use this opportunity to check out the other patients. What are they doing? What are they wearing? Are they screaming? Bleeding? Cursing? Remember as much as you can about each patient, and report back to the room. See if you and your patient can guess why the others are in the ER. This game is great for passing the time.

Mystery Guest – toying with the nurses In today's society, one must be very careful to not assume anything about anyone. This is especially true for nurses, who must be extra sensitive given the situation their "guests" are in when they first meet them. If you are with a friend and their spouse, it is very fun to see who the nurse thinks is the SO, and who is the BF. For example, I was my friend's lesbian wife and my friend's husband was her "sissy" best friend. LMAO. People watching is all sorts of fun. Look closely at their eyes when they realize they've misjudged a situation….

Stamina builders A sure way to tighten those abs! When the patient is being examined, or is being informed of something gross, make faces at the patient's spouse, then try to keep from laughing. Hold your breath and contract the muscles in your belly. This is a sure way to keep the laughter in, and get a work out at the same time!

I know, I know, this is not the most PC way to act in a hospital, but it sure does make the time go by quickly, and keeps your patient laughing. Laughter IS the best medicine, ya know!

Yes, all that happened, and YES, the nurse really thought Cougar was my lesbian partner, and hub was my "sissy" (the nurse's word) best friend. Good gawd, if you could have seen his face...


We were so scared, hub and I. That room could have turned morose and depressing, but the presence of The Coug kept us smiling and laughing, despite what was happening.


I love her so much it makes my heart hurt. She really is the sister I always wished I had.

Baseball, Margaritas and Midget Porn

Last Friday, The Freak and I went to a baseball game with Cougar and her hub.

We had fantastic tickets in a private suite. Coug and I have connections. *grin*

I believe I was drunk within approximately five minutes of arrival thanks to some big ass margaritas. One view from our seats, shortly after sitting down:

And a different view from our seats, probably no more than ten minutes later, completely empty:


I was drunk. Smashed. Three sheets to the wind. Schnockered. It was FUN! I get verrrrrrry "handsy" when I drink. I couldn't keep my hands off my Freak's body. ;)

Our team won, and then we watched fireworks:

At some point during my drunken stupor, my evil trainer/neighbor The Wee General called and talked me in to babysitting the next morning. Here she is on the treadmill, probably calling me a pussy:


After the game, which we won by the way, someone (most likely me!) brought up this kick ass sex shop that is on the way home. I probably whined, begged pleaded.... Who knows. We wound up going. *giggling* Here's a few pics of what we found....

Coug (face deleted of course) posing with a fist dildo. Good gawd was this thing was scary:

She doesn't talk back, and she floats!!!!


My favorite find.....a midget blow up doll....she has three "love openings of pleasure".....oh my...


After we played with toys for probably an hour (this store is HUGE!), we moved upstairs to DVD-land. My my my. Thousands....and thousands.......every fetish imaginable. Coug and I found "Lactating Midget Porn". I REALLY should have taken a picture of that case!!!!

We wandered back downstairs in to the BDSM and lingerie section of the store. I vaguely rememeber my freak griping at me for flogging him (ninny!). I also vaguely remember popping Cougar repeatedly with something furry....what the hell was that thing Coug?

Freak tried to talk me in to buying a Pocahontas outfit for HNT. It has strategically placed fringe. *snicker* I declined.

They finally dragged me out, kicking and screaming, and I passed out the second I got home. I woke up the next morning, feeling like utter hell, dressed in this:


My phone rang. It was the dang Wee General, reminding me I had agreed to babysit her littlest child and her puppy. *groooooan* I was soooooo puny, but I did it. Ugh.

Isn't this little baby cute?


The rest of Saturday is a blur. Freak and I did our Mother's Day shopping, ate lunch at a Chinese place where he made fun of me for hardly denting my food, and then did some reconnaisance work for a lap top purchase.

Sunday, we bought a lap top. Ya know why? Because he is a BLOGGER now, and got tired of fighting me for puter time. LOL!

Later in the day, we headed out to see my 'rents. Note -- eyes no longer bloodshot and scary:

And that was my weekend. Did you do anything fun, my pretty pretty Flowers?