Tuesday, July 05, 2005

But my lips hurt real bad!

I must be scarier than I thought. I've had at least 20 visitors to my new little blog, and each one of you was too much of pussy to comment. I promise I don't bite. Unless you want me to.

After a fucked-up-but-in-an-amusing-way fourth which included mass quantities of beer, smokin' hot sex in a bathroom, creepy cult members, and a forest fire, The-Man-I-Bang and I came home to find most of the neighborhood three sheets to the wind and in our front yard.


Once The-Man-I-Bang spied all the beer, artillery and ammunition (and four-wheelers), I knew we were in for a late night.


Me: Aim for your own homes instead of mine you losers


Crowd: Drunken laughter


The-Man-I-Bang: I want a four-wheeler


Me: Crackhead


Crowd: Drunken laughter


Gorgeous Next Door Neighbor Chick: BLONDAGE! Let's go for a ride!!!!!


Crowd: Hoots and whistles


Me and GNDNC straddle the four-wheeler, (sound of more hoots and whistles) and we go flying off to the sound of applause.


Stop. Start. Errrrrrrrk! Pop a wheelie. Catch air. Stop. Start. Rough gear shift. Stop. Start. Rough gear shift. Eeeeeerrrrrrkkk!


GNDNC yelling HOLD ON TIGHTER BLONDAGE, THERE'S A BUMP COMING!!!!


Me yelling YOU HAVE CHILDREN! DON'T FORGET THE CHILDREN!!!!!!


GNDNC laughing hysterically


Ka-BOOOOOOOM!


If I hadn't had a death grip on her perfect abs, I'd be in a hospital.


But damn it was fucking fun.


Me: I want a four wheeler


The-Man-I-Bang: Crackhead

Me: I smell pot.


The-Man-I-bang: sheepish smile


Me: laughing


Gorgeous Next Door Neighbor's Gorgeous Husband: YARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH!!!! Grunt grunt grunt. YARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Growl growl. YARRRRGH!!!!


Me: WTF?


The-Man-I-Bang: He's practicing his Cage Fighter yelling


Me: WTF?


Gorgeous Next Door Neighbor Chick: Isn't that hot?


Me: WTF?


GNDNC: He's even taking jujitzu


Me: WTF?


Gorgeous Next Door Neighbor's Gorgeous Husband YELLING: Who wants some! Who wants some!


Me: Are you sure you guys were just smoking pot?


Crowd: Drunken, stoned laughter


Me: So Kip, when do you start your new career? Have you been chatting with hot babes on the internet all day?


Gorgeous Next Door Neighbor's Gorgeous Husband: confused look


Crowd: laughs and chants KIP! KIP! KIP! KIP!


Me: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip.


Gorgeous Next Door Neighbor's Gorgeous Husband: even more confused look


Me: Oh beloved Man-that-I-Bang, please go get The Precious for Kip


The-Man-I-Bang: runs inside, returns with our copy of Napoleon Dynamite for my cage fighting neighbor


Me: Watch it. Learn it. Quote it.


Crowd: still chanting KIP! KIP! KIP!

Some guy I don't know: Who wants to go back to my house and watch porn?


Me: Uhmm.......


The-Man-I-Bang: longing look


Me: We have some new porn of our own to watch Man-That-I-Bang


The-Man-I-Bang: drags me off laughing.....


And that was my fourth.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a fun neighborhood

Anonymous said...

You list S&M as interest in you're profile. Are you a Dom or Sub? I'll keep checking your blog out. It's very stimulating.

Blondage said...

"Me" -- yep, our neighborhood totally rules.

"Another Perverted Republican" -- Yay! Another one!!!!!! Soooooo glad to have company. :)

I'm a sub, though I do like to switch roles every now and then. I've got a few posts I'm working on about my love of all things kink. ;)

Anonymous said...

you can bind me anytime. Do you have a good leather dildo harness?

Blondage said...

"another perverted republican" - Tucker, is that you?

;)

I should take a pic of my toy box full 'o goodies and post it.

Anonymous said...

That would be sweet. No I'm not tucker, but I'll put on a bowtie for you my Godess

Blondage said...

LOL APR! I will have to take that photo.

I am soooo going to scare the people I know in r/l. LOL!

I feel I should tell you tho APR, I'm actually a sub in Domme's clothing.

Blondage said...

...and APR disappeared....never to be heard from again.....

Kelly(Mom of 6) said...

Where do you live? I want to live there, too!

Blondage said...

LoL Kelly!

Neighborhood = cool

Heat and humidity = not so cool

heheheheheheheheee

DestructiveCriticism said...

I signed on, went "all in"... so I must be now counted as among the card-carrying Perverted Republican.
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and yes... I voted for Pedro!

keeping the blog alive...

Blogger deleted my political blog (rest in peace, "Realitively Unbalanced"), because I wasn't logging in often enough. No way ...