How to: put up with a woman's pet

Any of you ever develop a "serious allergy" to get out of a relationship? Or been with a person overly attached and/or obsessed with their pet or pets?

I found this list on askmen.com. That site always makes me laugh. It's so DEVIOUS! LOL!

How To: Put Up With A Woman's Pet

Like Gollum with the ring, you'll find that some women are obsessed with their pets. If you've found the right woman, but she comes with a four-legged companion, find out how to handle her Precious. Remember that Precious was there before you, and will probably be there long after you're gone.

Paris Hilton sheds guys weekly, but her yappy little lap dog stays forever. So, in order for your girl to keep you around, you'll need to adapt to her pet and learn to live with it. Here are nine ways to make it happen.

1- Pretend you love her pet
If she has a cool dog, like a lab or retriever, this will be easy. The dog will be your new best friend. Cats and lap dogs are more problematic. They could get jealous of you. You probably won't like them and they know it. Pretending is tough, but the payoff is worth it. Once you hear the words, "Precious loves you" from your girl, you've hit the jackpot. Act like you love Precious and you'll get good lovin' from your girl.

2- Study the species
Read a book about her pet's species. Find out when and where the breed originated and for what purpose the animal was originally bred. If she has a dog, learn about the dog's personality. Find out whether he loves to play, is docile or easily agitated. You'll impress her with your knowledge of her pet's characteristics.

3- Volunteer to watch her pet
If she's going out of town, watch Precious for her. You'll score huge points and you'll play to her natural instinct to be with a nurturing guy. And a good boy deserves a treat, so chances are she'll take care of you when she gets back home. A good activity is to take her dog to a local dog park. If things are on shaky ground with your girl, you can use her dog to meet other women.

4- Buy things for her pet
When you're going over to see your girl, don't show up empty-handed. Bring pet treats or a toy for Precious. This will make a bigger impression than flowers. She'll think you're sensitive.

5- Act interested in the pet
Good acting skills can do wonders for your relationship. When you see your girlfriend or talk to her on the phone, ask her how Precious is doing. She'll happily bombard you with endless boring vignettes about her pet. Pretend to listen and be interested in the stories. You'll earn the important label of "good listener." Taking pictures of her and Precious together is another good way to show you care.

6- Don't abuse the pet
In general, it's not cool to abuse animals. Don't yell at a woman's pet in front of her. And don't physically discipline the animal, unless it bites or scratches you. An aggressive animal needs to be disciplined. Negative reinforcement is a legitimate training technique for a dog. Read up on dog training for guidance on disciplining a dog without physically harming it.

7- Don't complain about the smell
If she has cats, her joint probably smells like cat crap. If she has a dog, it probably smells like stinky dog. But because she lives there, she likely can't smell it. She probably prides herself on being clean, so mentioning it could be a major offense. Plus, she might think complaining about the smell is an unmanly move on your part. Instead, do something about the smell. Help her clean out the litter box or give Precious a bath.

8- Establish the pecking order
Early on in the relationship, be sure to set some ground rules with a woman regarding her pet. First, she should treat you like the alpha dog, not the beta member of the pack. Her bed should be reserved for the two of you, not her pet. If she resists, tell her you're horribly allergic and go out and buy a nice pet bed. Also, you should be eating better, or at least as well as, her pet. If she cooks special meals for Precious, make sure she does the same for you once in a while.

9- Buy her animal-themed gifts
Women with pets often love pet-themed junk like little stuffed animals, calendars and T-shirts. Once in a while, bring her one of these gifts when you see her. A good choice is to have a coffee mug specially made with a photo of Precious on it. Another option is to give her a framed photo of her and Precious. An unexpected, thoughtful gift will get her excited. And, she'll want to give you something in return.

There's a certain type of woman you should be able to recognize and avoid. A woman with more than three cats could be nuts. Look no further than the newspaper to read about some "cat lady" who was evicted because she had a filthy place crawling with dozens of cats.

Another type of woman to avoid is one who owns a lap dog that she dresses up and puts bows on. Her Precious will always be number one with her. You'll always be number two, and no guy wants that.

Remember; if you're a good boy and treat her Precious well, she'll treat you right and keep you around for a long time. But, if it gets to be too much of a hassle, you can always develop a "serious allergy" and go your separate ways. And next time, look for a woman without a pet.

Like I said, devious. ;)