We get out of the car, and there's Muscles, also getting out of his car. Herrrrrre we go.
I hear my boss' voice BOOMING from his driveway, "Damn J (J = Muscles), you're so swollen you look like you got stung by a damn BEE!". I would bet ya money he came straight from the gym. He had that "pump" thing happening. Oh my. I knew I was in for massive flustering.
And what did I do? Exactly what I swore I wouldn't. Went straight for an alcoholic beverage. Corona with lime. Yum.
So Muscles and I proceed revert back to high school and try to ignore each other.
I almost catch him staring at me. He almost catches me staring at him. It's almost like a juvenile little dance.
Every so often, I look at The Freak I'm married to and he is laughing and rolling his eyes at me.
The Freak: Dork. Stop staring.
The Evil Blonde: I'm not staring. I was listening to the group conversation.
The Freak: No, you're staring.
The Evil Blonde: Am not.
The Freak: Are too.
The Evil Blonde: *pouts and tries to study the landscaping*
Time passes.....
The Freak: You just got caught.
The Evil Blonde: WHAT!?!?!
The Freak: I saw it. He caught you staring!
The Evil Blonde: Uh uh...no he didn't!!!!!
The Freak: Yes he did I saw it!!!
The Evil Blonde: NO!!!! You are NOT serious are you?
The Freak: No, I'm not.
The Evil Blonde: *squeaks* MEANIE!!!!!
The Freak: But you WERE staring.
The Evil Blonde: I can't help it. He fascinates me.
The Freak: You are such a dork.
The Evil Blonde: *sigh* I know.
You know what I realized at this party? Lots of people get off on picking on me, even my boss, who was totally harassing me about my crush on Tommy Shaw from Styx. (See pic, he is so cute. And no fucking with me allowed over how vertically challenged he is. *growl*)
I found out that there's PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE of my bartending at the staff party I groped Muscles at. SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!! I was like....uh.........could you please burn them? And this girl laughed and said no, but she'd email them to me. Grrrrrrrrrreat!!!!!!! Apparently I am quite interestingly posed in some of them.
The Freak: *observing Muscles* You know, The Wee General's husband's arms are just as big as Muscles' are.
The Evil Blonde: Uh uh!!!! No way!
The Freak: Yeah they are. Muscles is just really tall so it's more obvious.
The Evil Blonde: *thinks to self, must figure out a way to see TWG's hub with his shirt off*
So far, I was doing fine. A bunch of people were teasing me about the bartending thing, but I hadn't done anything totally stupid yet. Ohhhhhh but the cringe-worthy moment of the day was about to happen, and be fully witnessed, much to my chagrin, by The Freak...........
I get up from my perch on the deck to go throw away our empty bottles, and have to walk right by Muscles. My heart races, because I am, you know.....a dork.....
I am passing him and we finally speak.
Muscles: *grinning at me* Hey (name deleted). Having fun?
The Evil Blonde: *still walking fast* I'm fine how are you? (Note, he didn't ask me how I was!!!! He asked if I was having FUN!) *never stopped walking*
And Muscles tries to HUG me.
Shit.
I wasn't expecting that. I am still walking, he tries to hug me and basically gets my right arm. I've got my arms full of bottles, but I then try to make my legs stop running, and stop and turn. By now, he sorta stopped trying to hug me, I think he noticed me trying to flee the scene.... And dorkish me tries to hug him back too late. Then we're like, wrapped in this awkward, long embrace that probably lasted 10 seconds but felt like ten minutes. I pull away and practically RUN to the trash can to throw my bottles away. I turn around and catch The Freak LAUGHING HIS DAMN ASS OFF from across the deck. Then I started laughing because he was laughing so hard. Then some random supervisors start looking at me like I'm nuts (which I suppose, I am) and I tried to explain that The Freak was teasing me.....
Oy.
I staggered back over to The Freak.
The Freak: You are such a DORK! He tried to talk to you and you RAN!
The Evil Blonde: *blushes and sighs* Told you I do that.
I swear, I used to have social skills.
11 comments:
That, is the FUNNIEST thing I have read all day! LMAO. Bless you and your little cotton socks. So friggin cute.
And yet, I have those moments all the damned time. I hate the one where you try to walk past someone but they try to dodge you by turning the same way on the sidewalk, and you both sortof dance for a second before one of you gets out a hammer and bludgeons the other to death.
Cute. Well, at least you didn't call me Poofy Princess Kitty like some OTHER blogger does. Ahem.
*giggling*
If I'd had a hammer last night I would have bludgeoned myself with it.
Crikey!!!!!!
Evie, he'll probably think you are just playing hard to get. Therefore, he will try again the next time you get together. Be ready for him next time and give him a pinch from me. ;)
Well, NOW that I see where the party was, I'm not so jealous anymore. I'll stick with my stuffed shirts, thank you very much. Some of them are actually quite attactive, you know. Although, you did have "muscles" to stare at....
Sounds like a hell of a party to me. ;-)
Suze, I snuck a picture of him on my camera phone. Ohhhhhh how I wish I could send this to you. He is just ENORMOUS. MASSIVE.
Golly.
Cougar, and stare I did. hehehehe
Jason, yeah, it was pretty fun, I must admit. *grin*
Oh lady, you make me smile down there!
Hehe, oh lord, that man is BUILT! *grin* But it still isn't a reason to be all poofy princess pussy and run! Big baby!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!
Goose, I love love love your gravatar. That pic is amazing. Glad to hear I made you grin!
LL, good gawd is he ever. That pic I sent you from my cell just doesn't do the man justice.
But...Poofy Princess PUSSY?!?!?!?!?
OMG!!!!
Sooooooo spanking your ass one day!
Yeah I would have to agree with the poofy princess pussy. LOL she looked like Franco Harris running for a touchdown and throwing muscles a straightarm to get by him :P
See? Hub confirmation! I wasn't kidding. I RUN from Muscles!!!! LOLOLOL!!!!!!
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