I have no idea what to call this post.

Enough with the harassing emails. I'll write about my recent humiliation. Sheesh!

Oh, why am I bothering acting "put out". The prodding was cute. Have I mentioned lately how much I missed you guys?

So here we go. *cringe*

The WORST part is, I almost got away with playing it cool, and then blew it in the fourth quarter, the ninth inning, etc.

Part of the reason I wasn't going in to details was because J, henceforth known here as "Muscles", had the address of the old blog. He didn't ask me where the blog went yesterday, so I guess it's safe to write about it. Not sure if the not asking thing was lack of opportunity, lack of interest, or he hasn't seen it hath been zapped.

Hmmmm.....lack of interest. Let me state first of all, with apologies to The Mister........have you ever been around someone and you could just FEEL them watching you? It's....incredibly flattering, but also unnerving. Hence the fluster. Hence the eventual humiliation.

I didn't really know Muscles until about two years ago or so, when he started providing security to someone who works in my office. Last summer especially, he was constantly in and out of my office, always teasing me about this teddy bear thing I used to keep in my office.

The Mister gave the bear to me. It was in a leather g-string, leather bra, and it's hands were all cuffed together. Yes, I have the kind of job where something like this displayed in one's office does not raise eyebrows.

*grin*

Muscles noticed when the bear disappeared. I change the decor in my office at least once a year. When you live at the office, you need the scenery to change periodically or you go insane. Muscles started teasing about where the bear went everytime he came in to my office.

(If Muscles ever asks for this new blog addy, I am soooooo deleting this post!)

Well, if you read the post before last, then you know I got drunk last fall, he flexed his muscles for me several times (which fascinate me because, being a gym rat myself, I understand how much work goes in to what he has). As you know, I told him about the blog, and he told me stories about.....

Hmmm.......

Well, he won't see this, right?

His "real" job is one that requires him to go to peoples' homes and fix something. He is rather....errr......popular with the housewives, if ya know what I'm saying. That man could write a thousand letters to Penthouse Forum.

Ahem.

I left out how frikkin astounding Muscles looks before because I knew he was going to read that original post. He is very tall, maybe 6'3"? 6'4"?, as I have already mentioned he has very large and impressive muscles, shaved head, the most piercing aqua-blue eyes, killer tan. He must have had blonde hair before he started shaving his head because his eyebrows and eyelashes are light. I think he is in his late 30's.

So, the night of that staff party, as mentioned before, we had this funny drunken conversation until I sobered up to drive. He's a very nice man. We bonded over gym talk, blog stories, laughed a lot... .

I haven't seen or talked to him since.

So.

Saturday. I thought he might be there. I knew I was going to blush like mad because he has now seen my HNT pics, read the naughty workings of my mind, probably heard my audio posts, etc...

I walked inside the building and stood at the back of the room. I have to stay until I am introduced, say hi, then I split. Lucky me.

The thing begins, and I sense I am being stared at. Out of the corner of my eye, I can tell it is Muscles. He was standing inside a hallway, just outside of everyone else's view. I could tell he was facing me. I guess he wanted to catch my eye. I just smiled and stared straight ahead, feigning interest in the VP's speech.

At this point, for those keeping score, I am doing ok, feeling full of mischief and in control.

All of the supervisors, of which he is one, get called up front to be introduced to all the new staff. Ahhhhh......the chance to glance at him and not get caught. Yep, still tan with lots of muscles. Then my assistant and I get introduced, and the supervisors walk back to the back of the room where I am. Instead of heading back to his hallway, he walks directly in my path and says something to me. Teases me about something. I can't even remember what. I have NO idea what I said back, but things are still fine. I have yet to take the train to Dorkville. Muscles takes position directly behind me. I turn to speak to someone standing next to him, and catch Muscles smiling at me.

Cool. Still doing fine. Feeling strange, a bit embarrassed, but doing fine. I go back to my office, find last fall's post about the drunken night, and write the update post.

Fast forward.

Orientation number one ends. I dash home to change clothes because I was hot (it was like...40 in the morning and 80 in the afternoon? WTF?). I come back and there he is, greeting people at the gate. I turn to walk towards my office and he steps in my path. I step to the right, he steps in front of me. I step to the left, he steps in front of me. I don't know how the heck it happened, but I walk in to him and all of a sudden he is hugging me. He says "Thank you" in my ear. (Thank you??? Now that I think about it, what does THAT mean?) I smile, say nothing, walk to my office.

At this point, I feel in control. I'm not the shy, sometimes awkward (real first name deleted). I am my blogger alterego, the one you can't call me anymore, Bl------. I am confident. I am savvy. I am playing this well.

And then.......KABOOM! I blow it.

I think to myself, self, you should go ask him how he is or something. He has tried to initiate conversation twice and you have played it cool. What if it was TOO cool? If you want to be friends with this guy, you should be friendly.

BIG MISTAKE.

So, I walk back outside before I can change my mind. I take a deep breath.

In my mind, I am sexy, confident Bl------, who can talk to anyone, can do anything she sets her mind to.

I walk up to Muscles, tap him on the shoulder, say something so STUPID in his ear I can't even bare to type it. He looks at me funny. I try to recover, and I ask him how he has been. He says fine. I get flustered. After a minute of very awkward small talk that I have thankfully blocked from my mind, I ask him AGAIN how he has been. He looks at me kinda funny, arches an eyebrow.

BLACK HAWK DOWN! BLACK HAWK DOWN!!!!

Thank the maker someone walks up to say hi to him, and I basically RUN back to my office, update the blog, and start counting the minutes before I have to go back over there........wishing I had a time machine so that I could just go back and erase that moment.

The rest of the day, I couldn't look him in the eye. I have no idea if he tried to talk to me again. I was so embarrassed! I threw myself back in to the middle of the returning supervisors, chatting with them, acting the social butterfly...

And then I did the mature thing.

I hid.

Ahem.

I just looked at the calendar. I have about two weeks before I cross paths with Muscles again. I know what Bl------ would do. She would take the bondage bear back up to the office and display it with a spotlight, snickering in delight as she waited for April 8th.

Hmmmm.