Letting go....

I've never been good at it -- letting go.

I still have the first vibrator I ever bought. It doesn't work, but I still have it. Not because I plan to use it again. It's the memories associated with it. The history. My first Dom made me buy it. I was in my twenties...

Have I told this story???

I went to this toy store, having never been to one in my life. I walked around until I found the wall o' vibrators. I quickly chose one, and basically ran to the counter to check out. The lady at the cash register sent me to a separate counter, because someone had to put batteries in the damn thing to make sure it worked. I go over to this counter, trying not to pass out from embarrassment, and there is a drag queen waiting for me. Yes, a drag queen, in full, fabulously dramatic makeup, dressed like a gothic vampire, sitting there grinning at me. I hand her the vibrator case. She ooos and ahhhhs, takes it out, pops batteries in it, sets it on the frikkin glass counter, and the damn thing makes this awful noise that resembles a chain saw as it spins, yes, SPINS, rapidly in a circle.

At this point, I thought I was going to hyperventilate. There's other customers gawking. The fabulous drag queen is laughing her ass off...

Finally, the naughty thang takes pity one me and grabs the rotating source of my embarrassment, giggles at me, pats me on the head, takes the batteries out, and sends me back to the cashier with a sticker on my vibrator box. (that sounds pervy!)

Eventually, I saw the humor in that story, and of course, I fell in love with the feel of a vibrator......so I have kept the damn thing, despite the fact it has been broken for like, ever.

I form attachments to things.

Sometimes it is an inanimate (well, it USED to be animate) object like a vibrator.

I still have the outfit I was wearing when I met The Mister, despite him telling me years later he thought it was very Stevie Nicks-ish.

Books and music are things I can never let go of.

Concert ticket stubs, backstage passes....

I could list a thousand examples if bed wasn't calling me.

I've got something in my life that has been important to me for a long time that I don't want to let go of. In typical me fashion, I am beating myself up, doubting my decision making abilities, second guessing myself, wondering if I have lost my mind.

I want to keep it. Watch over it. Cherish it. Keep it safe and keep it close.

I've never been one that knows how to let go. Damn astrological sign. Grrrrr.