A Master's advice....guest post number two by Victor

Now that the unpleasant interruption of the challenged (in every way they are) is behind us and in the hands of the authorities, it is time for my second official post. As always, my thanks to Blondage for the use of her forum, and her encouragement of this endeavor.

First, allow me to thank one and all for the warm welcome. There is no need to cower in the corner, I am quite safe. Like a vampire, I only do when invited. :) BlackOps, you are safe as my interest is in females . :) Kitten, there is no need to stay in the corner, and I rub and scritch very nicely. Ti, it is good to meet someone else in the world, and it is a pleasure to meet LL and Suze as well. I am afraid that I have to disagree just a bit with nniceguy269, and can commiserate with Mandelbrot's Chaos as two of the most unpleasant experiences with electricity came from taking 10,000 volts (or more) off of cathode ray tubes while trouble-shooting and repairing some electronics. It is why I don't work on anything with a CRT anymore. I am not fond of finding myself on my ass five or more feet from where I was before the arc...

I had originally planned to go into why I have to disagree even mildly with nniceguy, but my proposed topics has changed. Rather than just jump straight into the first of a series of discussions on electrical play, some e-mails and other events have caused me to reconsider. Before discussing play, one should first go into finding someone with which to play. It is regrettably easy to find people to do horrible things to you; the trick, however, is in finding someone who will do fun and wonderful horrible things in a safe way. There are two basic methods: the easy way and the best way.

The easy way is to go online as there are a variety of sites out there that cater to this very need. I won't mention names for now, but will say that some are better than others, and some are better at some things than others. For example, one site of an alternate persuasion is so-so for serious ads, but is great for its chat rooms. Another, which has more serious ads in regards collaring, is great for its forums and not so good with its chat rooms. For those inclined more towards the edge, there are several for consensual slavery.

The problem with online is, you never truly know what is on the other end. It may be a totally inexperienced poseur, it may be a predator, or it can be a truly wonderful Top/Bottom/Whatever. Online communities have their own politics, which may or may not spill over into any get-togethers that take place. So, you may have to take things with a grain, or few-thousand or so grains, of salt.
The best way is to get involved with your local community. As with online, politics are a factor you must judge, but such groups are a great safe way to meet people face-to-face and get a read on them. You also can find out things about them from others much more easily.

Either way, you need to be safe and take your time. Ask about their experience, how long have they been in the scene, how many times have they done X, what classes or seminars have they attended. A good way to flush out some of the less-than-good is to find out if they have been active in their local BDSM community, and then check into those groups. There is nothing wrong with going to someone who is new, just you need to know they are new before you start. There is nothing wrong with going with someone experienced, they just need to know your level so that things can be adjusted for you.

The most important thing you must do is ask for references. Check into their background, and verify that you are talking to someone other than them. Find out their history, see if there are or were any problems or complaints, and even consider a criminal and credit check. If they cannot master themselves or their finances, then how can they master or serve you well? Then too, if they have fought their way out, or are fighting their way out, of a situation without asking for help, that is one heck of a good character sign. If they have learned a lesson, paid a debt to society, and are making a new and good life, that too is a good character sign. In both cases, you need to look at what happened, how and why it happened, and what has been done since.

Now, someone saying something bad about the object of your inquiry is not an immediate deal breaker. Check into the charge, and see if there is more to the story. For example, I know of a Dom who has been lauded for their work in the community and as a Dom, and has been vilified pretty much for the same stuff on a semi-cyclic basis. Much of that cycle is pure politics, but it takes a keen eye and a lot of digging to find that out.

Which is why the best way to meet people is through local or semi-local scenes. Then you can get a better feel for what is real, what is not, and what is the buzzonga of politics. Find out if there are munches (meals), sloshes (drinking), or other such events near you. These are held in public places, fetish wear is often discouraged, and they can be a nice relaxed way to meet people and start to get involved in the scene. Then, look for local groups that have meetings, hold workshops/classes/other events, and start going.

Personally, that was one of the best things I ever did. The group I attended was a part of the "old" People Exchanging Power, or PEP in a major city. The meetings, held weekly, usually started with some community announcements, then went into a presentation/class where a variety of techniques were demonstrated, from basics to the wild. Once the class was finished, there was a general play party, where people interested could take part in various activities, often including having the presenter(s) teach them or demonstrate upon them. Dungeon Masters circulated to monitor, and to offer advice and help as needed. In this way, I learned a lot of new techniques and was able to refine that which I already knew. If you are interested in exploring the full world of BDSM, this is the best and safest way to do so.

All this said, even with someone you met at a local event, don't rush in. Talk first. Chat online if that is how you met or the easiest way for someone local. Then chat on the phone. Listen to them, look for signs that they are not who they say (such as married), and learn a bit about their moods, temperament, and more. Then and only then should you meet, and that meet needs to be in public. Pick a busy coffee shop, a restaurant, or some place where help is at hand and you have exits. Take your time, get to know them.

Use a safe call. This should be a two-phase system, that both should use. The first phase is to have someone, who knows where you are and who you are meeting, call you at a pre-determined time, and check on you. The call can and should be innocuous -- where is the dog food, do you mind if they wear your sweater, etc. It lets you give an equally innocuous code phrase back that can indicate all goes well, all goes well but not a keeper, what a dweeb, OMG hot sex tonight, or OMG, send help now. The second phase is that you have to call them back later, also at a pre-determined time, to confirm that you are free, okay, and what is going on. Code trouble signal or lack of call brings in local law enforcement, friends, and the world.

Also, be sneaky and plant a friend in the location. They can keep an eye on you and take a signal in case there is some reason you can't use the phone, from poor signal to a real problem. I've done this for people, just as a backup safety measure.

In an initial contact, particularly with someone you met online, you can never be too safe. I don't care your orientation or tastes, the only person responsible for your safety is you. Live up to that responsibility.

Now, as a way of leading into the discussion on electrical play and establishing initial limits, and to torment Blondage a bit, here is just a small bit of story to illustrate some of the points in a fictional setting...

He smiled, watching her squirm in her seat across the restaurant table like a small child that had to go to the restroom. It was a nice place, a good steak house of the white-table-cloth variety that ensured lots of people, an attentive staff, good security, and the ability to talk discretely. The dinner portion was done, and it was coffee time now amidst the Friday night crowd.

The couple had flown in earlier, arriving in town just in time for dinner. They had a hotel room, but with luck it would be unneeded. One night's charge was a small price to pay for safety, and a place to which they could bolt if needed. The odds of needing it were slim, but still...

He knew that both of them had checked his references -- Blondage was still giggling over her conversation with Miss S. Two submissives, and some organizational references had been checked, and it was good to know that they were thorough. The phone calls had been long and detailed -- and fun.

With a smile, he pushed back his chair. "I need to leave for a minute," he said as he rose. The trip to the restroom was contrived, but helped set the stage for later in two ways. It gave the couple time to discuss and make a final decision with some privacy, and made sure he was not distracted later if things went as planned.

When he returned to the table, the man was smiling, and both had a hard time not laughing as the woman was all but dancing in her seat, her long blonde hair swishing enough to make noise. Her husband turned his eyes away from her, and back to him. "We accept your kind offer, and would love to go to your place for dessert."

"Then let us leave," the local man said with a smile.

To Be Continued...

(Victor, you are an evil man. ;) -b)