Are "couples baby showers" common everywhere, or is it just a Texas epidemic?
I got roped in to helping throw one for a co-worker. The expecting Mom invited 150 people, plus a guest each. Yes, Flowers, that is potentially 300 people at a frikking baby shower!!!! Insanity!!!!!!! And though a few of the hostesses actually DO have homes large enough to accomodate everyone (yes, I'm serious!), we rented a place for the shower.
Ugh.
So.
Night before last, Myyyyyy Preciousssssss rings. I wish I could play Muscles' ring tone for you here, because it is an absolute scream. It's called "Mexican Nut Dance" (look it up on cingular!), and there's whipping sounds and howling. Loves it.
Ok. So.
Muscles calls to tell me his psycho girlfriend has broken up with him for at least the 20th time. I do my usual consoling...."You deserve better.....She doesn't deserve you.....You're so nice, wonderful...." etc etc.... He brings up the couples baby shower.
Yes Flowers, as one of my co-workers, Muscles was invited too.
Now that he expects to be girlfriendless on Friday, he was panicking. "Do I still go? Do you think that would be weird? What do I do? What do I wear?" etc etc etc...
After talking about it for a while, he decides he isn't up to going.
Understandable. I don't want to go either! LOL
Sooooo......he asks me if I would mind buying something for the baby and putting a tag on it that says it is from him. I'm going to see him on Sunday, and he'll pay me back. I'm cool with that.
I begin asking him what he wanted me to do.....baby clothes? A teddy bear? Something from one of her three gift registries? And he hems and haws, and can't decide.
And a thought pops in to my head.....
And I start laughing......and laughing......AND LAUGHING......
I believe his response was something along the lines of "Oh shit!".
I tell him I have the PERFECT gift in mind. He becomes very quiet, which of course makes me laugh even harder. So....I spring it on him.
"A breast pump".
You know Flowers, I sure I wish I could write well enough to fully capture the sheer terror I created in that man.
As I said in the title of this post......I'm evil. ;)
On a side note, how cool is it that the man who used to make me trip and fall and make a complete and utter ass out of myself everytime he even looked at me, now turns to me in times of crisis? I'm his go-to girl, and I really like it!
Knowing him, he will give in to getting back together with the psycho girlfriend by Saturday, but I think I definitely enjoy being his "sub".
*blink*
Oooooooooooooooo!!!!! Double entendre!
*wink wink nudge nudge*
Off to daydream something rather naughty......
;)
PS.
Now he is pimping me out to his friends. I have to buy another baby present and put Muscles' underling's name on it. Too frikking funny!
PSPS.
If you haven't responded to the poll about Single Grrrrl taking a 21 year old's virginity, please read the next post. Heart you, my pretty pretty Flowers!
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6 comments:
Couples showers are an epidemic everywhere, though I've been able to get out of all of them so far. I think you should just buy the breast pump and not tell him till later. :-)
Oh JSD....if only I'd had the nerve. LMAO! I would have gotten stuck with the cost of it (those things are pricey!) but it might have been worth the shock on his face.....and the new Mommy's! LOL
I was at a client the other day when the accountant and I got talking after a meeting. He was telling me that his daughter was in hospital, the morning after giving birth to his first granddaughter.
She was looking forward to going home and resting/bonding with the new arrival when the partner of the girl in the bed adjacent to her whipped out a mobile phone. In the UK it’s still prohibited to use mobiles (cell phones) in hospital ion case they interfere with the equipment. Anyway, bearing in mind that this girl had also just given birth the night before, the accountant’s daughter recounts the conversation as:
“Mam?, Aye it’s me, she’s had babbi, get us a crate of Stella [Artois] in, we’re ‘avin’ a party tonight and then we [him and the mother] are goin’ to t’ pub. Can you look after t’ babbi …”
It’s a different world …
I love that he's your girlfriend in a big ol' muscle-y male body. haha
I found myself trapped recently in an abbreviated bridal reception at work. Think of about three dozen women as the new bride unwraps a very slinky and short-short nightgown, and I'm the only guy around. I was afraid to fucking BREATHE! After all, who wants a sexual harassment investigation and possible firing? Only one guy who was there that day could have gotten away with saying something, and that because he's very probably gay. He's never said as much, but all the clues have been there for years. And yes, you should have bought the breast pump. lol
Yes that really is evil. I do hope my wife is not reading your blog...
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