I swear, he was cute when I fucked him.

Ever since I wrote that post about my lousy first taste of anal sex, I have been thinking about The Jackass I lost my virginity to.

I remember that night surprisingly well.

One of my best friends from high school was dating this guy at the college I was about to attend in the fall as a Freshman. Tina and I went up to visit the bf. She went off to hook up with the bf, and I was left with....oh....we'll call him Wally. Yes, Wally. That is close enough.

So....I got left with Wally. I was 18, a bit tipsy, and DYING to experiment.

Tina and her bf were upstairs, and we were downstairs on this....was it a futon? Oh god.....I think I DID lose my V on a futon....

Soooooooo.......we make out....and make out.....and damn if the man didn't drive me half nuts. My somewhat foggy brain said to me, "Blondage, he is four years older than you. He is the best kisser of your life. He is the PERFECT man to lose your virginity to.".

So.....I went for it.

I remember him kissing down my body, and putting me in to an absolute panic. For some reason, oral sex TERRIFIED me at the time. I wanted to try giving a blow job for the first time, but I was scared to death of him going down on me! I remember wigging out and trying to pull him back up my body. Some how, he managed to calm me down and talk me in to allowing him to taste me.

It was.....ok, I guess.

I was really too freaked to get much out of it.

He worked his way back up my body, and began kissing me again. Ohhhhhh god.....did I mention that man could KISS??!?!?

When he finally entered me, I was soooo ready. I only remember a tiny bit of pain.

I didn't orgasm. I NEVER orgasmed with him. Not ONCE over TWO YEARS.

But I liked it.

Liked it enough to want to do it some more. ;)

We developed this totally bizarre relationship. I think I will skip over that part. He didn't treat me well at all, and that's really all I feel like saying. When we finally broke up for good, I left that college just to get away from him.

Fast forward to today.

I recently reconnected with one of my very best friends from college. I'll call him.....Dan. Yes, Dan is close enough.

And no, I never screwed him.

We were great, great friends. Dan was the roommate of Wally The Jackass. Dan was always sooooo good to me, such a great friend, sticking up for me, always on my side....

Dan, Wally The Jackass and their little circle had been friends since they were in grade school.. Their little group of guys is still friends to this day.

Got it?

So.

Tonight, I spoke to Dan on the phone for the first time in a couple years. We chattered on like magpies for almost three hours. It. Was. Awesome.

I knew going in to the conversation that there was NO WAY IN HELL I was gonna ask about Wally, even though I was insanely curious.

After a while, Dan tells me he and all of his old high school pals I knew from college all met up for a "Guy's Weekend" a couple months ago. He began telling me what this one was up to and what that one was up to, blah blah blah. I was beginning to think Wally wasn't there, when Dan slips Wally's name in to the conversation.

Dan: And I know you won't ask, but Wally is just as big of a jackass as he ever was.

Blondage: ...........

Dan: Remember how he always HAD to be the center of attention? And how he always HAD to be in control? Mister life of the party?

Blondage: Oh. God. Uhm. Yes, just thinking about that is making me cringe.

Dan: The only thing that has changed is his hair line.

Blondage: *snort* Please, oh please tell me he looks like crap.

Dan: Oh god yes. He looks terrible. We spent the whole time laughing our asses off at him, how he was trying to re-assume his role as the ringleader. He was clueless that we spent the whole time making fun of him.

Dan sent me PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE from the guy's weekend, and ohhhhhhhhh my god.....Dan is RIGHT.

Wally. Looks. Horrible.

And that, my pretty pretty Flowers, has me feeling very good indeed.

I would LOVE to blast his picture here and show you guys the asshat who took my virginity and tortured me for two years....but I shall resist.

My head is swimming with memories, some good, some bad......but I will be going to bed with a very content smile on my face. He's a jerk, and the fact that we didn't marry each other is a total blessing.

I dodged a very pudgy, wrinkly, hairless bullet.