Kissing a Lizard...

Recently, my high school graduating class celebrated a reunion.

I wasn't able to attend, but I was very interested in hearing some details.

I emailed one of my old friends and asked if he had attended.

He had not either, but he'd recently had dinner with someone who was there, and he shared some stories with me today.

Oh Flowers.

*whimper*

Before I can share what my evil "friend" did to me via email, I have to share a story from my past with you.

One of my close friends had a serious boyfriend. He had a best friend, this giant football player dude, who was always kind of hanging around. He liked me. A lot. A WHOLE lot. I liked him fine, but I was never interested in anything but being friends. On several occasions, this guy became very drunk, and extremely grabby with me. I was a lot smaller than him, so I was usually able to wiggle away from him and escape. One time (cue dramatic horror film music) I was not fast enough.

Oh mah god.

Flowers, he kissed like a lizard. All these weird, darting tongue movements, and eeeeeew, did he ever slobber on me. I was 17 years old, and had kissed more boys than I could possibly count, but even my young mind knew, he was absolutely the worst kisser in my entire school.

Young Blondage was not pleased.

So, you have a basic description of Lizard-Liplock-Dude in your mind, right?

His sister was in my grade. They looked almost exactly alike, except he was tall and she was not. I adored this girl. She was cool as hell. I think we all knew then that she was a lesbian, but nobody gave a hoot. What can I say, I had cool friends.

So got it? Lizard-Liplock-Dude and his look-alike lesbian sister, whom I adored, though she was NOT my type. Neither was he, obviously.

Now fast-forward to the present.

The guy friend that I was trading emails with about the reunion, informed me that the Look-alike Lesbian sister was there. We chatted back and forth a bit, and I told him about the Lizard, and the following conversation took place. His words are first, followed by mine in italics...

"J had a group pic on her camera from the reunion & Lesbian Sister LOOKED like her brother (the one that was always tryin' to kiss you). I'm not entirely convinced they're 2 different people. Come on... when was the last time you actually saw them both together, at the same time??? EXACTLY"

" I'm dying to see that group pic! The idea that the first girl I kissed was Lesbian Sister is pretty......uh....is funny the right word? Or maybe disturbing. I dunno. LOVED her, but uhm, she's not my type, nor was she ever my type. For the record, neither was her brother. Ugh. Too grabby and slobbery (how is THAT for a little visual! Eeeew!). "

Ewwwww you kissed Lesbian Sister and her male clone a/k/a/ "grabby and slobbery."

"I did not kiss Lesbian Sister! I did not kiss LESBIAN SISTER!!!!!!!!! Ok, so maybe I kissed pretty much everyone else we ran around with, but NOT HER! Just her slightly taller doppelganger who had the kissing skills of a lizard. Baaaaad memory, burning through my brain. Make it stop. MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "

And Flowers.......ohhhhhh sweet baby Jesus......he hit me with THIS, typed exactly the I have it here:

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. in your bed
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. in the dark
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. try not to imagine
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. The Lizard's Sister leaning over you... drooling
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. because that would be creepy & probably keep you awake
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. sweet dreams
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Fuck me runnin'. I am gonna kick that man!!!!!!!!!!!!