Scene: Blondage's Aunt's house on New Year's day
A large, happy family gathers around a beautifully set dining room table. The chatter turns to Blondage's precious one month old niece.
Blondage's Mother: We haven't seen the baby in almost a week. I am going through withdrawels.
Blondage: You're lucky. I haven't seen her in TWO weeks because of my trip up North to visit the In-laws.
Blondage's Mother: She's with her OTHER *said with a pouty frown* Grandparents today.
Blondage: *smiling* Well Mom, they have a right to see her too.
Blondage's Mother: *turns red in the face, and totally goes off* Well those people have lots of other Grandkids, and they are in their late 40's. I have ONE Grandchild, JUST ONE, and I am in my mid-60's! ALL of my friends had Grandchildren but ME! It took FOREVER for it to happen for me. I was beginning to think I'd NEVER be a Grandmother!
Blondage's Mother, henceforth known here as B.M., is, at first, oblivious to the silence that falls upon the table. Suddenly, she lets out a tiny gasp as realization dawns. She blinks at Blondage, and swiftly changes the subject to the frikking weather.
Seriously. The weather.
I don't expect people to walk on eggshells around me about my "issues", but sheesh. Mom could have punched me in the gut and it would have stung less. We've been trying for NINE YEARS to make that woman a Grandmother. I am on a ridiculous amount of drugs right now. I HAD SEX IN MY MOTHER IN LAW'S CREEPY HAUNTED HOUSE to try and make a baby. And she whines about being the last of her peers to have a grandchild, about how long it took for it to happen....?
Sweet hay-sus (yes, I spelled it that way on purpose), please don't ever allow me to be so self-absorbed that I become oblivious to feelings of the people I love.
/end rant
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11 comments:
Whew! I hear ya on the mom thing. WTF is up with them, huh??
You're just way too polite. You know I call my moms OUT on the stupid shit and SHE has an excuse....the language barrier thing makes her say shit the wrong way all the time. I still cut her no slack! As badly as you feel/felt, I would have put the screws to her just a teensy bit, to make her squirm.
"OH, I'm sorry mom. I'll have a talk with my ovaries and uterus and make sure that they understand more completely how much YOU need more grandbabies so you can keep up with the Joneses. I don't think they realize the TRAUMA you've been through with having to wait so long for grandchildren........"
Yeah, that would make for a nice family gathering, don't you think? haha
Hugs to you, sugar. Don't let the Man (or Woman in this case) get you down!
Um, damn... That's a pretty impressive "Awkward Family Moment". Wonder if Guinness has a category for that?? Pretty impressive on the selfish scale, too.
LL, I love you.
G, uhmmmm.....yeah. It was pretty frikking awkward. Coulda heard a pin drop.
My Mom....well, she's complicated. She's a good person, but yeah, she can be self-centered. The odd thing is she's still lovable. I dunno. It is really hard to explain. You'd just have to meet her I guess. People love her. She's adorable, but has an edge.
Like I said, hard to explain.
Too funny...( not really )
That's when you say .."Well hell maybe it's the atmosphere we keep fucking in. Maybe I need a crowd? (start taking off all clothing at this point and moving stuff on the table ) Yeah, this table could support me. This is the perfect time to FUCK and GET PREGNANT"
talk about silence
( I should write a screenplay )
Sometimes peoples' priorities are mixed up and they open their mouths to vent without thinking of the consequences.
I agree with LL. And, don't worry, you would never be so thoughtless.
....
Holy Christ. I was cringing when I read that. Yow.
What is it you say?? Jumping Jesus in a KFC basket??
How does the phrase go? I can't remember.
Blondage's Mother is now known as BM.
Wonder if she knows she's made your SHIT list yet, hon.
LOL Sensual kitten! I am so glad someone understood what I meant!!!!!
Stealth, I say "Jesus Christ in a Chicken Basket", but I like your version better. *grin*
I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties. At least she has a son-in-law to hate. Some mothers of adult children don't even have that much. :P Don't let the bastards grind you down.
Yes Blondage... I believe She does have an edge. [shudder]
But forget her for now... let's talk about us... er.. I mean you.
[hops up onto your desk, knocking stuff over and spilling some coffee onto your keyboard and some important looking papers]
So... ya need to get knocked up eh? *wiggling eyebrows*
[pins a nametag onto his lapel that reads "Fur-tility Specialiststss"... clearly printed from his puter within the last 2 minutes]
Te he hee... the Doctor is IN!
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