I need you.

Dearest, long lost Flowers, where ever you are....

Please lend me your ear for a moment. I need a shoulder or two to cry on.

We had an early Thanksgiving at my cousin's house today. We were there but 15 minutes when something absolutely hideous happened.

I wrote along the way about our journey to have children, and now my beautiful twin boys are almost a year and a half years old. They really are extraordinarily beautiful. Any time I take them somewhere people gasp. I mean seriously, they are gorgeous. Strawberry blonde hair, big turquoise blue eyes, dimples when they smile their beautiful smiles.... They take my breath away.

Today. Oh my God. Today, we went to an early Thanksgiving celebration with one side of my family. When we arrived, the boys were introduced to my cousin's small dog. It was carefully done, and the dog seemed to like the boys. Lord knows the boys loved her.

Approximately 15 minutes after our arrival, this dog, whom I have personally known and really liked for years, viciously attacked one of my babies. I am not exaggerating. If Coug reads this, she can tell you. I sent her a pic. It is AWFUL. He has at least four, possibly five bites on his face. I quit counting puncture wounds at 17. My poor sweet baby was very gently petting and loving on this dog and she jumped at him and began biting him. I SAW IT HAPPEN. I was five feet away. A family member was closer to him and kicked the dog away and saved my child. I grabbed my poor screaming baby and the whole house (30-40 people) just went nuts. Screaming and shock... I saw this dog bite my baby so many times and so fast, in mere seconds, and at one point was shaking her head with her teeth in his cheek. Thank God my young relative got the dog off my son as fast as he did or she might have gotten his eye. The bites are in multiple places -- left jaw, left cheek around what you would call the "apple", and there is a long scratch that leads to two more less serious bites on his forehead. The scratch is obviously from a tooth. This is no simple dog bite. My baby was mauled.

We rushed him to the hospital and the doctor told me point blank that he will have multiple scars. Period. There are creams that can help, but my beautiful, precious, sweet baby, that we fought ten years to have, is going to be permanently scarred from this. The doc even brought up plastic surgery. This is no mere bite. This was vicious.

When we got back from the hospital, my young relative who saved my baby came up to me and my boy and I lost it. I didn't get hysterical in the hospital, but I sure did when I saw that kid again. We stayed around an hour, and this kid never left my son's side. Eventually my son started acting like himself, wanting to play and such, and my young relative continued to shadow and watch over him. It was just the sweetest thing. I already loved this young man before this happened, but now, the feelings of love I have for him have multiplied by ten.

I've been through plenty of rough things in my life. Deaths of beloved family and friends, physical and medical problems, multiple miscarriages, and my father is in a fight for his life right now with cancer which has spread... I am sure you guys have had plenty of that type of crap happen to them too. It's all just part of life. My brain knows this. My brain also knows that there will be plenty of other boo boos with the boys that require medical attention along the way. But right now, as I watch my beautiful, precious boy with the horribly swollen, bruised, and cut up little face sleep, I am feeling something I have never felt before in my life. I don't even know what to call this feeling. Some sort of post traumatic terror I guess.

I'm thankful it wasn't worse (no eye damage, no punctures that went all the way through his cheek to the inside of his mouth) but my baby.....oh my God my poor baby.... I know he is going to be ok, but I can't stop staring at him. I am basically hovering over him even as I type.

And his twin.....his sweet brother...... The baby that was not hurt stayed at the house while we went to the E.R. Everyone said it was obvious he knew something was very, very wrong. He stayed quiet and clung to his grandmother. Very out of character for him to be like that. When we got back he ran up to his hurt brother and smiled and loved on him. Everyone cried. They really do have an amazing bond.

Thank you for listening. I needed to write this, vent about it, and I cannot talk about this on facebook, my play-ground of choice these days, because the owners of the dog are on my friends list. I have a feeling like people would be less than kind. They are already torturing themselves enough over this as it is.

I miss you, my pretty pretty Flowers.